Childhood Trauma, ADHD & Learning Calm with Amanda Bearce

Wellness coach Amanda Bearce joins me to talk about growing up with fear, instability, and a nervous system that never fully learned how to rest.

Amanda shares how her father’s severe mental health struggles shaped her childhood, including years of stalking, disrupted sleep, and a constant sense of uncertainty. She reflects on how those early experiences followed her into adolescence and adulthood — through school, relationships, anxiety, self-blame, and an abusive relationship that mirrored some of the instability she had known before.

We touch on Amanda’s healing process, including therapy, EMDR, an ADHD diagnosis, and her move from IT into wellness coaching. She explains how therapy helped her understand trauma and triggers, while coaching helped her begin to look forward, rebuild self-trust, and discover what calm could actually feel like.

We cover:

•  Growing up with fear, uncertainty, and a parent with severe mental health issues 
•  Childhood stalking, disrupted sleep, and not feeling safe at home 
•  How trauma can show up as reactivity, anxiety, stomach aches, and overwhelm 
•  Leaving high school, getting a GED, and finding another route forward 
•  Recognizing patterns in an abusive relationship 
•  Therapy, EMDR, ADHD diagnosis, and understanding nervous system responses 
•  The difference between therapy and coaching in Amanda’s healing process 
•  Moving from IT into wellness coaching 
•  Protecting your energy without turning self-care into another obligation 
•  Practical self-care tools for people who feel overloaded or constantly “on” 

This episode is for anyone who has lived in survival mode, struggled to understand their own reactions, or wondered whether calm can be learned later in life.

About: Amanda Bearce is a board-certified health and wellness coach and the founder of Simply Wellness with Amanda. She helps women who are exhausted from doing it all slow down, tune in, and nurture their well-being through sustainable self-care, so that they can feel more present, energised, and well in both their personal and professional lives.

Connect at: IG, FB, Website

Transcript

Introduction

Amanda Bearce 0:00

I can't remember him actually showing up at school. It was more in the home. So I wasn't hiding there. But when I look back, I see that I was afraid. When I would sleep, I would get really afraid. I would move around the house. So sometimes I would sleep in my bed, sometimes I would sleep in the hall. Sometimes I would sleep in the closet. And when I say sleep, I wasn't really even sleeping. It was attempting to sleep. My poor mom. I feel bad for her looking back that she had this kid who I never slept through the night, not one day, probably while I lived with her.

Regina Sayer 0:33

Thanks for joining me here again on another episode of Wisdom Without the Guru with another guest who has joined me, willing to share their life. I realized while I was editing the episode that I have shared some quite personal information about my family. The reason I did share it was because the information, the story that Amanda was sharing at the time prompted in me a memory and suddenly a better understanding and perception of my own feelings and also a way of seeing what I had experienced. And I was very grateful for that because it was something that I had never been able to put a name to. And perhaps this could be the case for yourself as well. And this is what I always feel with every guest who comes on. I feel that there is always something that they are expressing or something that they are sharing that can touch somebody somewhere. And that's the reason for the show. So I hope that you'll enjoy the episode. Again, please pass it on if you feel that it can help somebody else. And I really appreciate those of you who are following us all over the world. And I appreciate all of our guests who have come on. Enjoy the show.

Regina Sayer 2:00

Hi everybody, and welcome back to another episode of Wisdom Without the Guru. I'm your host, Regina. So today I want to pose these questions to you before we start our episode. And as usual, they're meant for you or for you to consider for anybody around you that you know that might be experiencing something that the question relates to. So starting off, what does it mean to grow up under the shadow of fear? Not from strangers, but from your own parent? How do years of instability play a role in the choices you make as an adult? Have you ever felt like the very idea of calm is foreign to you? Do you even know what calm is? Can one explosive reaction illuminate a lifetime of unresolved issues? These are not rhetorical questions for my guest Amanda Bearce, amongst other factors there which shaped her life. From a childhood marked by stalking and instability to the patterns of survival that echoed into young adulthood, her path's been one of interruption and reinvention. But she discovered that healing doesn't always announce itself loudly. Sometimes it arrives in small, deliberate practices that accumulate into a different way of being. So today, Amanda joins us to reflect not only on what she has built, but on the life that has carried her here. Hi, Amanda, and welcome to Wisdom Without the Guru.

Amanda Bearce 3:28

Hi, Regina. Thank you so much for having me. That was a beautiful intro. I was listening to the questions, thinking, how these all r resonate with me so much.

Regina Sayer 3:39

They're pulled from your story. Okay, so let's start right in. We will just preface this by saying that we are praying that the actual podcast gets recorded. Yes. We were just having a horrific moment of Amanda not being recorded and having this very glitchy head.

Amanda Bearce 4:03

So glitchy. Doesn't help they move a lot. So I was like all over.

Regina Sayer 4:09

And from two people who come from IT backgrounds who were like, okay, I'll figure this out. We got it. Yeah, hope so. Fingers crossed. They're crossed. All right. So let's start in. Let's talk about your childhood and how you grew up and what was happening there. And also, you know, um, I always tell guests, please try to look at it through the eyes of a child and not as the adult looking back, because hindsight is always great. But it's interesting, I think, for listeners to hear what a child is perceiving at the time or what you think that the child that you were perceived. Because it also helps them to reflect back on how they were maybe perceiving something as well. Or if they have children, how their children are perceiving what is happening around them. Yeah. So you basically said that it was a hot mess, your your childhood.

Amanda Bearce 5:03

Yes. It was in a lot of ways it wasn't, but in a lot of ways it was. So there was a really extreme sides of it, which I think is can be very confusing as a kid.

Regina Sayer 5:15

So where were you born and what was your family life like? And, you know, what was the dynamics that were happening between you and any siblings and your parents? And then also talk about any kind of safe places that you had that you knew that you could go to, like an adult or an institution like church or someplace, or friends, or even a teacher at school.

Childhood in Albuquerque and finding safety in books

Amanda Bearce 5:42

So I'm born, still live in Albuquerque, New Mexico. My parents were married when I was born, but they got divorced before I was even two. My mom and I moved in with my grandma, and we lived there until I moved out as a young adult. I did not have any siblings. I'm an only child. So there was, I think, with all of the things happening as a kid, I felt very isolated because I didn't know anybody else that had anything even remotely similar to me in my life. And I think because of that, it was really hard for me to feel like I found any safe places. I felt a lot of, I don't know, of shame, maybe embarrassment, or a mix of the both. So I didn't talk about my situation really ever until I was an adult. I would say I don't even think I had any friends that were friends as kids that knew what was happening in my life. I think my safest place, uh, I was a big bookworm. And I think that was really the place that I went. And I didn't realize until an adult that that was a coping mechanism, that reading was definitely and still is today, when I get overloaded, like I'm gonna go read for a little while. So I think that was really my safest place was just adventuring in my own head with a good book.

Regina Sayer 7:00

What was the dynamic with your parents? I mean, as you as a child watching this, what's happening?

Amanda Bearce 7:06

So

A father’s mental health struggles and years of stalking and fear

Amanda Bearce 7:07

when my parents got divorced, it was because my dad was starting to experience some pretty significant mental health problems. And I think as time progressed, the the mental health issues just progressed for him. So when it first started happening and things were going on in my mom in our in our household, my mom recognized that she needed to remove us from that situation. And I think was hoping that he would get the help that he needed or that things would change. But unfortunately, that's not something that happened. And my dad stalked my mom and I from no, it's hard, you know, like you said, thinking back as a kid, my timelines are kind of fuzzy, but I know at first it wasn't as bad. And then there were flows pretty much from that time until I was in high school of where he was stalking us. It's a weird word for me. It doesn't quite feel fitting, and I don't know why, but when you look at the definition of stalking, that's just that's what it was. So it was definitely a, as a kid, a really scary experience, lots of uncertainty, never knowing where he might be, when he might show up, when he was gonna call, what version of himself he would be when he called. There was just a lot of uncertainty and for me a lot of fear based around it.

Regina Sayer 8:24

Yeah, I'm just curious about you yourself say you don't know why you call it stalking. Did your mom call it stalking?

Amanda Bearce 8:30

Legally, I know it was called stalking. Like if I am to go look at my dad's legal record, it'll show that he was in and out of jail for aggravated stalking. So that's where I get the term from. And it was. He was calling all day, every day. He was showing up all the time. But it just for me, I don't know why. I feel like I wish there was a better word for it for some reason. There's some sort of disconnect within me of like, it's just not quite the right word, but I haven't found it yet.

Regina Sayer 8:58

Yeah, and because you associate, I think, stalking with that of a stranger.

Amanda Bearce 9:02

Yeah, right. Mm-hmm.

Regina Sayer 9:04

Maybe that's it. But do you as a child, I mean, did you were you hiding from your dad whenever you could see that he was trying to find you and showing up at school?

Amanda Bearce 9:16

So he actually never showed up that I can remember at my school. It was mostly at home or a couple of times at like sports practices and things like that. I did have uh special procedures for pickup and passwords and all of these things at school, but I can't remember him actually showing up at school. It was more in the home. So I wasn't hiding there, but when I look back, I see that I was afraid. When I would sleep, I would get really afraid. I would move around the house. So sometimes I would sleep in my bed, sometimes I would sleep in the hall, sometimes I would sleep in the closet. And when I say sleep, I wasn't really even sleeping. It was attempting to sleep. My poor, my poor mom. I feel bad for her looking back that she had this kid who I never slept through the night, not one day, probably while I lived with her. But I very much looked back and, oh yeah, because I was afraid. And I think she knew I was afraid. Well, I don't know that she knew I was afraid, actually. Looking back, we've had conversations and she just didn't realize. I think for her, she felt very confident in that he wouldn't go to certain extremes. Like he would call and he would come by, but he that he wasn't gonna, she knew or she felt comfortable with that he wasn't going to break down the door, bust through a window, something like that. But that was something that I didn't know and that I didn't feel that same comfort level. I also would ride the city bus from my house to school or around other places. I've asked her that as an adult, like, why would you let me do that? Because he lived, he experienced homelessness. So, and where I lived was probably four or five blocks from where he was would float around. And in my mind, I'm like, I would never have let middle school-aged me, high school-aged me ride the city bus, knowing that there was a great chance that he was going to be on it. I think at the time I may have been kind of trying to push back of, oh, let me have these freedoms, but almost maybe wanting her to say no. I've had conversations with her as an adult where she's told me, again, I knew he wouldn't hurt you, where I'm like, you knew that? I certainly never felt that way. So just seeing those two totally different perspectives is always really interesting.

Regina Sayer 11:33

How was it explained to you that the reason that your dad had to be kept away from you?

Amanda Bearce 11:39

I don't know that it ever really was explained to me. It was something that I could very much see and feel on my own. When they first got divorced, I did have a couple times that I was able to go with him without supervision, and that was before things got to be really bad. And then we had, you know, supervised visits, and then it was determined by the courts that he wasn't able to have contact in person anymore. And I think I just was seeing it happen. Like there are these moments where I remember recognizing, okay, now he doesn't, he used to have an apartment a couple blocks from us. Okay, well, now he doesn't have an apartment anymore. Oh, and now he doesn't have a car anymore. Well, if I give him my money, will that help? Will I be able, like, can I give him this birthday money that I had? But I don't really remember ever having an explanation of these are the things that are happening. These are, this is what's wrong with him. And I think a big part of it was that nobody really knew what was wrong. But also my mom didn't want to speak negatively about him either.

Regina Sayer 12:44

And what about the people at school and other people? They did they know that, you know, kids can be cruel if they say, hey, your dad's homeless.

Amanda Bearce 12:52

I don't think anybody knew.

Regina Sayer 12:54

Okay. And your dad, you still have a relationship with your dad or

Amanda Bearce 12:58

He passed

Grieving the father-daughter relationship that never was

Amanda Bearce 12:59

away uh in 2019. We did not have a relationship. I we tried through some of my like early adulthood, and I saw him when I was pregnant with my first kid, but then he was just really awful to me when she was first born, and I just decided I couldn't do it anymore. And then I found out a little while before he passed away that he was really sick. So we were having some phone conversations, but he just didn't have the mental capacity to do it. It was, I think it was really hard for him to have those conversations. And I mean, it was also hard for me because I would talk to him one day and he would be okay. And then the next day, he would be throwing daggers at me. And it's like I couldn't do it. And at that point in my life, I felt comfortable enough to not answer the phone, not return the calls. Whereas I think when I was younger, I would have taken anything that I could get just to have some sort of a relationship.

Regina Sayer 13:57

Okay. And I guess maybe a little bit of guilt on your side as well that, hey, this is my dad and I'm not having anything to do with him.

Amanda Bearce 14:04

I mean, it wasn't even just guilt. I think there was a lot of desire to have that. Like I have this one picture of the two of us that I was really young, but you could see that he was just well. He looks healthy and just well. And I think when I would look back on that picture, it's like, well, why didn't I get that? I had this version of him just for a moment, but then the dad that I saw on the streets, or that I could hear leaving voicemails on our phone or in court, or there's actually a television show called Cops here, and a lot of it would take place in the city that I lived in. He was on that, where there was pictures or a video of him being arrested. And I would see these versions of him. And I think I would just have this desire to like, why, why didn't I get the one that was in that picture? Like I know he existed. I could see it, I could see it in his eyes that, and then he just wasn't that person anymore. So that was something that was really hard. I think that seeing there was that shift of who he was.

Regina Sayer 15:11

It's a bit of like grief, like losing someone.

Amanda Bearce 15:13

And I had always wondered how I would feel when he passed away. You know, I had a feeling he wouldn't live like an extremely long life because he was living on the streets for a long time and he was an alcoholic. So I knew, you know, he wasn't gonna be a 99-year-old man walking around. So I had thought about that before. And I will say I was totally unprepared for the impact that it had when he passed away. I was heartbroken. And in a weird way, I think there was a lot of mixed emotions. I intellectually knew that I was never gonna have that relationship that I wanted. But I also knew that he loved me and that I loved him. And he just all of this came from severe mental health issues, which was sad. Like I felt really sad about what his life was. I felt really sad about what our relationship wasn't. And then when he passed away, that was just it. It was done. You know, there was no more.

Regina Sayer 16:11

Yeah, yeah. I kind of can empathize a bit. I mean, my father was not mentally unstable. Well, I don't know, I guess you could say that. But well, if you listen to what I'm about to tell tell you, you might think, well, yes, he was, because yeah, I decided to not have contact with my father for a very long reason and for a very long time because he had sexually abused my sister. And I I always wanted to find out why he did that because he always helped me. Never did that to me, always helped me, and I always guilt for the longest time about that. But I cut off contact with him after I wrote him like a 10-page letter asking him basically, why did you do this? Why did you do this? I know that you did this. I've known from a very young age. And I never ever heard back from him. And then he died not too long after I got married 22 years ago. And he didn't leave me in his will. I actually wasn't upset about it because I thought, okay, he's just sort of making up for what he did to everybody else and leaving what he has to them. But he committed suicide. So there was never any um, so when I say, you know, any mental health, you know, if you commit suicide, well, there's some kind of mental health thing happening. But there's that, you know, you don't have that closure because you don't really understand what was going on in their head. And this Yeah. And for me, it I mean, yeah, I could understand why he did certain things that he did, but because he died, I never got that closure. And that just that's something I've had to live with. And I don't know how it is for you.

Amanda Bearce 17:52

I'm gonna take a step back to the mental health things. I think it's interesting because I think there are different types of mental health issues and some where, like my dad, there was no way to look at him and or interact with him and not see that he had mental health issues. So it was like so big and loud and there that there was no way to ignore it. And then there are the other people that it's a little more hidden, it's a little more, they're more functioning adults. So then it's easier to overlook it and it's that way. But I really never had the even ability to do that. I could see that he was having mental health struggles before I even had a clue what that meant. I don't actually now, now that I've processed his him passing away and all of that, I feel much more at ease and closure than I ever did before. And what's interesting for me is I think I used to feel like upset or angry with him or, you know, these big mixed emotions. And now I don't feel that. I'm not upset with him, I'm not angry with him. Do I wish it had been different? Absolutely. But I feel more, if anything, more sad of the way that his life was and the relationship that we didn't have.

Regina Sayer 19:06

Yeah, I feel the same way, actually.

Amanda Bearce 19:09

Yeah.

Regina Sayer 19:09

Thanks for voicing that because that just made me realize I feel the same way.

Amanda Bearce 19:13

Yeah, which is a hard, it's a hard thing, but you know, I guess It's just the what we've been told.

Regina Sayer 19:22

So

Reactivity, overwhelm, and survival mode

Regina Sayer 19:23

you were living with your grandma after your parents' divorce. So she was kind of your safe space.

Amanda Bearce 19:31

I I don't know that I would call her my safe space. No offense if you listen to this. call her nanny. So I lived with my grandma and my mom. I feel bad looking back at her. She was just living her life, and then all of a sudden she had my mom living with her, which was probably fine. And then me, who was a kid who needed help, and I don't think anybody knew how to help me. So I she used to say that I um that I needed an exorcism. And so we laugh now. We are, she's she's 91 now, and we are so close. Growing up, I think I was a challenge for her, and I kind of feel bad for her because I was rough most of the time. And poor thing, I don't think she knew what to do, what to do with me. She's we always say, like, because I, you know, have healed so much, we always say that was after my exorcism. But she was always there. She did everything, she, you know, she gave me that my home, which was a safe place and always took care of me. But I think I was a lot for her. She was kind of like, what on earth is happening? And how do we stop this kid from behaving like this? So how were you behaving? Different phases. But she wanted to take you to an exorcist. Different phases. When I was really young, would do things like slam my head on the floor, like just why I yeah, it was a hot mess. Like, I think that's why I used that when we had talked about it earlier. And then I just was kind of always very reactive, which now in therapy I have learned that it's likely that I had PTSD and or have PTSD in there. Just these we didn't know what was going on. So I would go from zero to 60 in the blink of an eye, and nobody knew what caused it or how I got there. Uh, I would also run away. Usually, if we were having, I would get like, and I still get this way, but thankfully I can identify it now and know when I need a break. But say we would go on a family vacation and there was too much going on for me, and I just needed a second for myself. I didn't know how to ask for that. So I would just like disappear. Or, you know, my family has a ranch and I would do the same thing there. I would be there with my cousins and need a second and not know how to express that and just poof, I was gone. And then I would say high school was a whole different phase, but beyond a typical high school where I just acted out a lot, I yeah, there was. There's been a lot of different phases. Thankfully, we're in a good phase now.

Regina Sayer 22:04

But why were you acting out? I mean, was this just your way? You think your way of how you dealt with everything with your dad to take your mind off of it and a distraction so that people were focused on that and not on your dad?

Amanda Bearce 22:17

No, I don't think so. I think I my nervous system was just so overloaded. It didn't know what to do. I've I can identify it now, but at the time I couldn't. It's really hard for me to relax. And I didn't even learn how to do that until my 30s when I felt that first real moment of calm. So I think I was just like so on the defense all the time. And it was just exhausting. And like I said, I wasn't sleeping. It wasn't something I was doing intentionally. It was just my nervous system was out of control. So, so sensitive. I still feel it. Like it's hard for me if I'm around a lot of people. I know that I can only do it for a certain amount of time. And then I really have to come home and like almost like sensory deprivation. I put in earplugs. I have a comfy chair that I go in. I ask my family not to come in for a little while because even still, it's hard for me to go out and be around a lot of people, especially if they're moving around everywhere or behind me or things like that. That just takes a lot out of me. And, you know, as a kid, you're in school all day, every day, and then you're going right down to sports. And I just don't think I knew how to cope with it, or that at the time that they knew enough about kids' mental health to know that there was just things going on. Like I had stomach aches every single day. And my mom took me to specialists and all these things, and they could never figure out what it was. Now, as an adult, I realized that I had really bad anxiety, but we didn't know that then. You know, I was kind of in my own mental health crisis. I would say for a long time that it was just kind of out there, not ever really being resolved or getting the attention that it could have used.

Regina Sayer 24:03

Did that make socializing and friendships difficult? Because it sounds like you were ready to explode at any moment without any notice, even from yourself.

Amanda Bearce 24:12

I would say there was some relationships that I had more of a buffer where I wasn't just like exploding. I yeah, friendships, it was into my adulthood before I really started having really healthy relationships.

Leaving high school and taking a different route

Regina Sayer 24:26

Okay. So you said that you dropped out of high school. Why did you drop out of high school?

Amanda Bearce 24:32

That was one of the places that I actually there could really recognize that I was making decisions that weren't the right decision for me. And again, kind of going back to that, it's it's hard for me to be in that like people all around you all the time. And I think it was just exhausting me. And I just felt like it was not the right place for me to be. So I talked to my mom about not finishing high school. We actually just talked about this yesterday, which is funny, or the day before, because we haven't talked about it in years. But um talked to her about getting my GED, which is a test that you can take to finish and starting school earlier, because it was just not a productive environment for me. When I'm when I was sitting there, overwhelmed, overstimulated with my nervous system going crazy. I wasn't retaining anything, anyways. Sitting still is still not great for me. So that was another element. So I kind of just removed for myself from the situation, hoping that I would start making better decisions, because, like I mentioned, my friendships were really not great at the time. I wasn't not choosing good people to be around, surrounding myself with the type of people that I would have chosen for myself now. But I think thankfully, it's not something that I look back and I'm like, oh my gosh, why did I do that? It worked out just fine for me, thankfully. Would I choose it for my kids? Probably not, but I don't regret doing it. It's it really was best for me. You needed it. Yeah, I'm really not a classroom all day kind of kind of gal, nor and I think the same goes for like corporate environment. That still is a struggle, which is why I'm not in one anymore.

Regina Sayer 26:08

Well we'll get to that. Okay. So in all of this that was going on, you managed to hook yourself up with an abusive boyfriend.

Amanda Bearce 26:16

Yes. Mm-hmm. Surprising, right?

Regina Sayer 26:19

You also lived with them to top it off.

Amanda Bearce 26:22

Yeah, we lived together for a handful of years. Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe a little less than a handful, but too long.

Regina Sayer 26:28

So what was happening

An abusive relationship and recognizing familiar patterns

Regina Sayer 26:30

in this relationship? Because you said you tended to attract people with crazy experiences. So I mean, was he a bit crazy too?

Amanda Bearce 26:37

He was, yes. There are when and I think at first, the very beginning, I didn't really see it. But I can now looking back, remember those moments that I should have that I think I even recognized this is not okay, but I still didn't change anything or walk away. But yeah, and he started to do a lot of things similar to my dad, which again should have been a big red flag, but I didn't change anything for years. You know, we would get in fights and he would leave and then show back up in the middle of the night or call over and over and over and over, just very similar things. But there was also emotional abuse, I would say financial abuse, physical abuse. It was not a good relationship.

Regina Sayer 27:21

And what was your mom's take on this?

Amanda Bearce 27:23

We didn't really talk about it.

Regina Sayer 27:25

Okay. So no one really knew.

Amanda Bearce 27:27

No, I mean, looking back, I would say there were indicators. I was not hiding it well. And I know she was going through a lot in her own life personally at the time, which is probably why it wasn't a big topic for the two of us. But yeah, it was, it was not good. And of course, it was one of those relationships where then I'm alienated from my friends and, you know, just makes it harder and harder to get out of. But I really also remember feeling like that was the only way. Like I remember telling my mom one time, like I think this is probably all we talked about it, but telling her, like, well, I don't know what to do if I'm not with him. I don't know how I can not be with him. And now I look back and I'm like, that is ridiculous. I was the one doing everything and paying for everything. And how could I not have known how I could survive without him?

Regina Sayer 28:18

But so what was the pivot point that you finally woke up and said, let's end this relationship?

Meeting someone steady and realizing life could feel different

Amanda Bearce 28:24

Yeah. We had been on and off for our whole relationship because since it was very volatile, we were constantly breaking up. And I had actually stayed apart from him for a big enough chunk to meet my husband and go on our first date. And when I was on that first date with my husband and I got like looked at my phone afterwards and saw something like 57 calls from him, even though we weren't together at the time, I had this moment of realizing, okay, there are people, you know, I didn't know that my husband was the one, but realizing that he was different. And I had this like very distinct, okay, this guy is different. And I could tell right away that he felt safe. And just, I don't know, something about that first date with him. And I at that moment was like, I can never go back to him. And then, you know, my husband and I dated and then had a big chunk where I worked on healing myself for a bit before we got back together. So, but it was that moment of like really seeing and feeling, even though that he was new, it was like I had never dated anybody that even gave like a calm vibe before. So that was a big light bulb moment of it doesn't have to be like this.

Regina Sayer 29:40

And you mentioned that he was someone who was nice every day and not just sometimes.

Amanda Bearce 29:44

Yep. Every single day.

Regina Sayer 29:45

And he's still nice because he just tried to help you with your computer.

Amanda Bearce 29:48

Yes, exactly. Every day. He we have been married for 14 and a half years, and I know who he's gonna be every single time I interact with him, which is so incredible. Like that's that's what it's all about, I feel like. There's no uncertainty like with that ex-boyfriend or really anybody that I had dated before. It's like, which, you know, are they happy today? Are they mad today? Are they gonna be jealous today? No, my husband is calm, supportive, steady every single day. Yeah. I'm like, you are like this, which I love. I'm like, like he might go a little happy, a little sad, but within a very close range every day. And I love that. At first it was a little weird because I had never really experienced that before, but by now I'm well used to it and love it so very much.

Regina Sayer 30:39

So

From GED to IT and searching for something more

Regina Sayer 30:40

you dropped out of high school. So what are you doing for work all this time?

Amanda Bearce 30:43

I worked at a pizza place for a while. I was a manager there, and then I worked at a call center for a cellular cellular provider.

Regina Sayer 30:52

So somehow you got into IT work, network administration. So how do you get into that from being at a call center?

Amanda Bearce 30:59

Going to school. That's what I went to college for. And then actually my husband

Regina Sayer 31:03

So you decided to go back and get your GED?

Amanda Bearce 31:06

Yes, I did get my I actually got my GED like I think I told my mom I'm dropping out of school and I can take my GED in 10 days or something like that. It was right when I dropped out. That was my whole plan. Okay. And got it done, did start community college early. I would love to say that I then was really focused and straight to it. No, that was it's still classroom, still is a nip for me to this day. But we can learn in so many different ways. But yeah, so that's what I went to school for. And actually, my husband went to school for the same thing, and someone came into his class offering an internship, and he wasn't ready to leave the position that he was at. So I went went and applied for it and actually got a full-time job there instead. So that's how I got actually into working in IT.

Regina Sayer 31:53

So it wasn't actually something you sat down and thought, okay, I want to work with computers.

Amanda Bearce 31:58

Oh, no. I think my mom mentioned that the people in IT at her office were always in need and were making pretty good money. So I was like, sure, why not? I have no interest in. I actually would prefer to have less technology in my technology, is not my friend. Technology is great, of course. I I don't love a lot of blue light. It really makes my brain get a little funky if I have too much.

Regina Sayer 32:22

So early evenings for you.

Amanda Bearce 32:23

Oh, yeah. That phone is going into sleep mode at like 7:10.

Regina Sayer 32:29

I should take note of that.

Amanda Bearce 32:31

I really love it. And whenever I break it, I always end up wishing that I hadn't. I'm like, why did I do that? Because now I'm thinking about this news article that popped up and uh, but it's good. It's a it's good. That and without having technology in the mornings, I try when my alarm goes off, turn it off, not looking at my phone until after I've got up, got my kids to school, worked out, then we're looking.

Regina Sayer 32:54

So what was it that you thought that you really wanted to do? I mean, if you actually had sat down and thought at that time, okay, what is it I want to do with my life, or you were just so helter skelter and all over the place that it didn't cross your mind?

Amanda Bearce 33:07

I don't think I even thought about it. I can't even identify anything that I would have wanted to do then. You know, I can think about when I was like a little kid, but not as a young adult. I don't think there was anything that I was like, oh, that would be cool for me to do. I just really wasn't even I didn't even think that it would be some could be something that I wanted to do.

Regina Sayer 33:28

So you were just kind of falling into things.

Amanda Bearce 33:31

Yep. Kind of doing that. This is, you know, this should be the next progression. So this is where we go.

Regina Sayer 33:36

Okay. Uh let's see. You said you started on your wellness coaching discovery. Now, what happened there? Was that when you were still working in IT, sitting for eight hours?

Amanda Bearce 33:47

Yes. It was a desk. Yep. A different job than the first one. Better company, thankfully, but still not it. I would really have trouble thinking about if I were to think about, you know, 20 years from now or doing this until I retire, I would feel like panicky inside, knowing that that was like I have to show up and do this five days a week for ever? No. So I was constantly saying, I gotta figure out what I want to do. What is it gonna be? And really then on the search, looking around, you know, when I would talk to people about their jobs, really thinking, oh, was that would that be something that I could do? Oh, what about that? What about this other thing? And then I read an article one day about wellness coaching and kind of had one of those big light bulb moments, which was not really something that I was used to having. So I was like, whoa, what's going on here? And, you know, I was at that point in my life very into certain aspects of health and wellness. It was wellness was my jam. It was just more limited than the way that I view wellness now. But that was enough that I was like, oh my gosh, I could totally do this. This is what I want to do. And, you know, went and got certified and then master certified and board certified, and then left my corporate job and here we are a little over three and a half years later.

Regina Sayer 35:03

When you say you were doing something before that, what were you working out or what?

Amanda Bearce 35:09

I was really focused on nutrition and working out, which of course are very important part of our wellness, but that's not the whole picture. You know, at this point, I feel like that information that's everywhere. So I really like to work with clients on all of the other things that are impacting our wellness because that's certainly not the whole scope of health and wellness. There is so much more.

Regina Sayer 35:33

Okay.

ADHD diagnosis, therapy, and understanding her nervous system

Regina Sayer 35:34

You had your ADHD diagnosis when? When you were working?

Amanda Bearce 35:39

No, this was just probably maybe three or four years ago.

Regina Sayer 35:44

And how did that come about?

Amanda Bearce 35:45

I stumbled upon a video about a woman talking about getting diagnosed for ADHD and what her life looked like before that. And as I was watching the video, I was starting to feel really emotional. And then by the end of the video, I was even like, okay, I feel like I could actually cry. So I sent it to my husband and I didn't say anything except, you know, when you have a minute, just watch this and let me know what your thoughts are. His response was, it sounds like she's talking about you. So I talked to my therapist about it, and we talked about going to get an evaluation from a psychiatrist. So I went and did that and did get a diagnosis for combined type. So both inattentive and hyperactive.

Regina Sayer 36:31

When you got that diagnosis, did it suddenly click into place the reason that you acted the way you did in certain circumstances in retrospect?

Amanda Bearce 36:42

I think it did give me a lot of kind of a relief of there were so many things that I had been trying to force for so long. And it just being an explanation of why forcing them wasn't working. And I also think that the trauma and like talking about how my nervous system was always so heightened, I think those both go hand in hand. Those two together made those situations really hard for me. But at least now I have an understanding of why. And what's been really cool for me about this is now I can look ahead at my calendar and see when there are things that I know are gonna be really draining or really hard for me and block off extra time for myself in that week because I really come home and like I said, like I need like almost like sensory deprivation. I gotta come back down so that I can interact normally with my family. So that has been something that has been really, really helpful for me is just giving myself the ability to do that, knowing like this is how I'm going to be forever. No matter what I do, this is really who I am. So now how can I just improve on this? How can I make it work for me? And giving myself that time on my calendar, I will legitimately block on like like block off like time to recover or you know, keep this time free and put it on there so that I remind myself, yeah, I've looked at my whole week. There are a lot of things that this week that I know are really gonna drain me. You need that time so that you can still have a good weekend. Like today, actually, after this, I've gotten from when we're done until my son gets home blocked off my calendar because I know this week was all filled with stuff that was gonna be pretty draining. And I still want to be able to have a good weekend with my kids. So thankfully, at this place in my business, I had that ability to block off that extra time so that I'm not using my family time to try and recover.

Regina Sayer 38:35

Okay, so let's step back a second to um you said that you were getting therapy. So when did that start and why did you decide after all this time to start seeing a therapist?

Amanda Bearce 38:46

Yeah, so that was probably maybe like nine, eight, I don't know, timeline when my daughter was really young. The reason for that was I went into her room one day. I was already overstimulated. And at that point, I really didn't know how to recognize that or how to bring myself down. I went into her room and it was a disaster, and that caused me to like lose it. I was so upset in seeing that. And afterwards, after I came down and kind of recovered, I had a conversation with myself and was like, I do not want to be the type of parents that loses their stuff with their kid over having, I mean, to be fair, her room is still not it. But also, like, I'm not gonna go in her room and yell at her because it's clutter makes my brain hurt. So I immediately scheduled therapy. I still am in therapy today, different therapists, and it's not been straight through. I've had breaks and things like that. But yeah, that was definitely a huge game changer for me.

Regina Sayer 39:44

So if you started therapy nine, 10 years ago, but you didn't discover you had ADHD until three years ago, how has the therapist been helping you in those six years in between?

Amanda Bearce 39:57

So the first therapist that I work with, we did a lot of um really intense trauma type things working through my traumas. Um I did EMDR, which was really great. I was having at that point like looping thoughts where I couldn't control the thoughts that were going through my brain. And it would just like I would wake up and the same thought, and it was always the same thing, not like one thought today, one thought tomorrow, would start looping through my brain and I just couldn't get it to stop. There was a lot of stuff like that. So we worked through all of those things, and I think that's been the biggest thing is just working through a lot of the trauma that I've had and better coping skills and all of that stuff. I think there were, it's interesting because I, you know, it's crazy to feel like, okay, well, I'm still in therapy. Is this working? It is working. There's just like layers upon layers upon layers. Sometimes things happen that take you back a little bit or that make you realize, like, oh, I didn't even know that this was an issue. So yeah, the the trauma stuff was really where we started. That first therapist I remember asked me, well, what would have happened if you would have just closed her door? Talking about my daughter's room. And I was like, what? That that didn't, we didn't even get as far as to think about leaving the room. Now it's such a big difference because her, I guarantee, if I were to walk in her room right now, still a crazy disaster. But I do have the ability now to just close the door and walk away. Where at that point, that I didn't even have the time frame from seeing it to reacting to have that thought of this is making me feel like I'm gonna lose it. Let's step out of the room and close the door. There was no time between those thoughts. It was, this is crazy. I feel out of control to like, oh my gosh, what just happened? I don't even know.

Regina Sayer 41:41

Okay. Was it very difficult for you to trust and speak to a therapist?

Amanda Bearce 41:47

I think I have trust issues in certain situations, but not others. I don't remember it being something that was hard. I remember feeling really emotional about it. And I remember leaving, feeling like wiped out. It used so much energy. It's like I was just sitting there for an hour talking. How can I just feel like I ran an ultra marathon? So I very much remember that feeling of this is so incredibly draining. And then also kind of in that situation, like I was talking about with ADHD, also she would explain, like, well, here's why these sort of things happen. I feel like that was something that felt good to me because I was aware that like I could see looking at myself and my husband or my kids that I wasn't the same as them and wondering why. What makes it so that they're this way and I'm the odd man out, which to be fair, I still need more time and space than anybody else in my household. But, you know, life circumstances have been different. So it was it was really helpful for me to also see those reasonings and understand kind of the why behind a lot of that.

Regina Sayer 42:59

With your husband, how are you managing that relationship? Because you sound, I mean, that's I'll be very from what I'm listening to as I'm talking to you, and obviously that's the only thing that I know. It sounds like you could explode at any minute.

Amanda Bearce 43:14

Yeah, I could have. But I I generally didn't with him. I think what where it really came from, like when I was having those big explosions, is when I'm not feeling safe. Like it wouldn't just be hanging out at home and then that would happen. It was situations like like I could give a specific situation with my husband where one day I was asleep and I woke up and he happened to be walking right past the side of my bed, and that scared me so bad. And so then I was instantly in fight. Things like that. But generally, since he is such a calm, stable person, I wasn't having that flip of the switch all the time. Whereas in like my past relationships where they were like this, and so was I, it was very volatile. But I think that he is so kind of grounding and stable, it wasn't that. Thankfully, was not happening in our relationship. But even still now, like their sleep I've learned is a very big one where it's easy for me to feel that like fight or flight. Like, this sounds silly. But a couple weeks ago his iPad fell on me and woke me up while I was sleeping. And for some reason, if something scares me while I'm asleep, I mean I didn't act crazy or anything, but it's like instantly my heart is pounding, my brain's going crazy, and I get kind of like stuck in that fight or flight mode. It takes hours to come back down. But thankfully it's, you know, those responses are not anything like they used to be.

Regina Sayer 44:34

That's interesting. I wonder if that has anything to do with what you mentioned about you were walking around the house all the time trying to find a safe place to sleep.

Amanda Bearce 44:41

I think it is. That's one of the ones I have been putting together more recently because before I just wasn't really, I still was having trouble sleeping. Now I wear earplugs because I would like, I'm not kidding, if my husband's phone charger would touch the side of his nightstand, that would wake me up. I would wake up from anything. So I was waking up like 50 times a night. And now I've learned if I wear earplugs and an eye mask, that's enough to where I'm not being woken up so many times a night. I mean, I still don't sleep through the night, but hey, I'll take it. It's so much improvement. But I think before, since it was a constant, I was never sleeping, that I didn't really realize that it that sleep is a thing. Now I have realized that sleep and is one of the areas for some reason that I kind of have that traumatic response.

Regina Sayer 45:33

Okay.

From corporate work to wellness coaching

Regina Sayer 45:34

So going back to your wellness coaching, how did that exactly progress? Because you were working and then you started discovering that and then you started taking classes. And then how did you start incorporating that into your own being and into your own life?

Amanda Bearce 45:52

Yeah. I so while I was working, I would at first just start having clients after work. And then once I really got into that, I asked my corporate job if I could go part-time. So I was doing kind of half coaching, half of my corporate job. And then I got to the point where I could feel that doing the both and kind of constantly bouncing back and forth between the two was not good for my own wellness. And I really, you know, how can I help others be well if I'm not well? So took the plunge and left the corporate job and went full-time into coaching.

Regina Sayer 46:26

But in terms of when you were saying you were doing coaching, what of the coaching were you doing internally?

Amanda Bearce 46:33

Everything. That's I still love to do, you know, anytime I can see and try a new tool or some sort of self-discovery, I'm all about that. I love to think about that like personal growth. And so I was really doing anything and everything that I could. And that's I really started working on that self-discovery. You know, I hadn't, I think I had been stuck in that fight or flight for so long that I didn't really even know like what brings me calm, first of all, because I had never felt it before. How, and then once I did, it's like, oh my gosh, other people have been feeling this way, and I haven't. How can we make this happen? And what, what ways can I, what things can I incorporate into my life that actually bring me glimpses of calm? So, really learning about that, about how to nurture myself, which is another one that like that was so foreign to me, the idea of doing something that felt nurturing to me. I would have never believed that that's something that I could do. So once I started getting a feel for that, it was like, oh my gosh, I can do these things and they feel good to me. What what? So, really learning about all of these different areas of how we can kind of nurture our well-being and giving that kinder side because while I was going through all of these other struggles, I really had a really awful inner dialogue. My self-talk was pretty brutal. Breaking free from that, learning how to have kind thoughts inside of my head was one of the like crazy things. But yeah, so just finding all of these different ways that were things that I had never personally experienced, but that were outside of the things that we hear about on a daily basis when it comes to our wellness. Meaning, such as like the nurturing yourself, how can we do it sustainably and not these big, like on starting on Monday, I'm gonna revamp my entire life. But how can we begin to weave these little things into our day-to-day? How can we do things that are gonna protect our peace? What things do I need to change in my life that really prioritize my well-being? Whereas before, I think my well-being or what I needed to do for me was behind everybody else's, which, you know, that doesn't help anybody else. If I am not well, then my kids feel it, then my husband feels it, my whole household feels a little bit different. So learning that it's okay to take that time for me, for just me. It's okay to ask for things that I need, even if that thing is time or space, you know, just anything.

Regina Sayer 48:57

Going back to when you were working in IT, when you were having this anxiety and these other types of things, how were you managing working with a bunch of other people?

Amanda Bearce 49:06

I wasn't. Thankfully, I thankfully I did work at home a lot of it, which is great because in the office setting, I really cannot focus. It is so challenging for me. So thankfully, for the most of it, I was at home, but I was not managing at first until really until I started getting deeper into therapy. There were times where I was having anxiety attacks every time I took a shower, like multiple nights a week because I was not managing. I hated the job that I had at the time. I had some clients that were really awful. I had management that was really, really awful. And I just didn't have any coping skills at all. Plus not sleeping, which I feel like just layers on on top of that.

Regina Sayer 49:48

And were you ever medicated at any point to try to help you sleep or to cope with any of the anxiety?

Amanda Bearce 49:54

No, I was not. It was not something that I felt comfortable with. I think because of my dad's addiction problems, I just never wanted that sort of I was, you know, and had conversations with my therapist about it. She was, you know, if you had a heart problem, would you take a heart medicine? Yes. Okay, so how is this any different? But it was just not something that that I wanted to do.

Regina Sayer 50:15

I hate that when people say, I can understand. I'll tell you why I can understand. Okay. Because my brother, one of my brothers, was an addict as well. And I saw that, and he's, I don't know, let me think he's about six years older than me. So I was quite young at the time that I was seeing him walking around, you know, like a skeleton.

Amanda Bearce 50:35

Yeah.

Regina Sayer 50:36

You know, and I knew he was doing drugs and alcoholic as well. And being at a party and him saying, Oh, I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna drink, and seeing him go over and sneakily take a drink each time, you know. So and and I've never been a big person about taking any kind of medication. I mean, I even if I have a back pain, I won't even take you know anything, aspirin or anything, I'll just find something else. And or something that's more holistic, I think. Yeah. I just I I just want to preface that by saying, you know, I hate to say uh I know what it's like because I I don't know what it's like from your point of view, but I know what it's like from my point of view. So that's why I just wanted to share that.

Amanda Bearce 51:14

Yeah. And you have those memories that left that impact for you.

Regina Sayer 51:18

Yeah, definitely. Okay. So how do you rope your your family into everything you're doing? Because I think I see Instagram. Is that your son? You see on the Instagram in the gym with you.

Amanda Bearce 51:29

Yeah, he's my little gym buddy during the summer. He's he's back to school now, so we don't get to anymore. But, you know, I think it's something that they just see. We don't force them to do anything, but we'll offer like that, like, hey, I'm gonna work out at this time tomorrow. Do you want me to wake, make sure that you're up in time? You know, we do a lot of family adventures that include a lot of physical activity. Like we, we're we're on a quest right now to take our kids to all 50 states before our oldest is 18. So in each of the states, a lot of the stuff that we're doing is outside. Like we went to a really incredible mountain biking preserve in Arkansas, or a lot of hiking in Oregon, incorporating these active things, but then also, you know, helping them to recognize if, you know, sometimes my son gets home and he I can tell he needs a minute, helping him to recognize, like, hey, do you think it would be helpful if you were to go take some time by yourself? Or do you want to read and I'll read with you for a while if you want to? Or kind of offering them those options that I see would be helpful for them if I think that they need something, but never forcing anything. And it's actually been such a fun experience for me to see because they are really both, I have two kids, both really good at recognizing when they do need time by themselves. And, you know, I'm gonna go hang out in my room for a little bit. Or, you know, do you think could I have a hug? I I feel like I would it would help me to have some cuddles or things like that, which I love to see at their ages because it took me so long to be able to recognize that I needed those things or how to ask for them, or you know, so it's been fun. But yeah, never forcing them, but they see myself and my husband both living it and they're interested.

Regina Sayer 53:05

Yeah. Well, I'm curious because when you got pregnant and like having children, I've got one. I've not got two like you do, I've got the one. I know that when I had him, it was like, what do you do? You know, what do you do? So I mean, for somebody who is the way that you are, how was it having kids? I mean, were you worried all the time or stressed all the time or anxious something was gonna happen to them or overprotective or what?

Amanda Bearce 53:29

It was actually something that when I was pregnant, I thought that I would be like that because I knew I was anxious. I knew I worried a lot, I knew I was an overthinker. So I did worry about that a lot. What am I gonna be like? Is it gonna am I going to is the baby gonna feel that? And then I think when my daughter was born, I just felt like it was natural, which was weird because I am not a kid person. I think my daughter was the first like little baby I had maybe ever held. So I was not expecting to feel that. But when she was born, I did just kind of feel like, I know how to do this. I I've got this. Of course, there are that's not with everything. There are times that I'm like, huh, should we Google that? Should I ask my mom friends? Should I call my mom real quick? But for the most part, no. For when when it's come to parenting, thankfully, that's not been something that I've struggled with a lot of anxiety about, which I don't know how that worked out, but I will take it because I really fully expected to be really anxious. Now, not to say I didn't struggle, like when my daughter was born, it was when I was in one of the jobs that I really did not like. And my husband traveled about 50% of the time. And when my daughter got home, she she didn't nap at daycare. So she would just go straight to sleep when she got home. And so I would kind of just be by myself, which now I think I would love. I love alone time now. But at the time it was like, I don't even know what to do. He's gone and she's asleep, and I haven't seen her all day. I think I was overwhelmed in some senses, but not in a like anxiety-induced sort of thing at that point in my life. I felt anxiety, but not specifically around parenting.

Regina Sayer 55:05

Okay. So you were doing the coaching and the therapy at the same time, or one started before the other?

Amanda Bearce 55:12

I started therapy before coaching.

Regina Sayer 55:15

And then

Therapy, coaching, and rebuilding self-trust

Regina Sayer 55:16

when you started doing the coaching and you started learning all about that, did you think that that just sort of enhanced the therapy?

Amanda Bearce 55:23

Yes.

Regina Sayer 55:23

In what ways?

Amanda Bearce 55:25

I feel like therapy has helped me with overcoming those traumatic things and really kind of like I said before, learning that, you know, why things were a certain way, the why behind some of my triggers or reactions and that sort of thing. But I think coaching has really helped me on the looking forward and really that like tuning in to myself. And like I was just saying, then I didn't like to have that evening alone. Now I block off time every single week to have by myself because I truly enjoy to be with myself. Whereas before I didn't know how to do that. So I think it's really helped with my relationship with myself. And with that forward looking, it was really hard for me before to think about setting a goal or what do I want to do in five years from now? I would have had no clue because I just was, I couldn't even go there. So they're two of both, you know, therapy, so incredibly important to me. If I had not had access to therapy, things probably wouldn't have changed. But coaching really has given me that ability to look forward, that ability to have this new fun relationship with myself that I never even thought I could have. And a lot of growth, so much growth in that. Not just the healing, but also, you know, that growth that comes too.

Regina Sayer 56:44

And you said that you're still going to your therapist.

Amanda Bearce 56:47

Yep, I do. A different one than I originally went to. We're on the calendar every week, but I have stuff. She has stuff. And so I, you know, I haven't seen her in three weeks. We just we keep it on the calendar knowing that every week it's like, okay, are you here next week? So it's a, I would say like once a month type thing right now, but it's something that I feel like is still very beneficial before for me because, like we said, there's layers upon layers and yeah, new stuff comes up all the time in a new stuff. Yeah. New stuff comes up all the time, and new stuff about old stuff comes up too. It's like, huh, didn't even that didn't cross my mind. Or I think before

Regina Sayer 57:25

I peeled that onion.

Amanda Bearce 57:26

Yeah, it really. And it's like in the different versions, like before I was so like couldn't even see out past it that there were things that I couldn't even look at then. It's definitely something that I am very grateful for my therapist still. And again, to still have access to therapy, that's definitely improved my life very much.

Regina Sayer 57:45

I've talked to a lot of coaches now, not obviously not a lot of them have been wellness coaches. So it's a little bit different type of coaching. And all of them actually are still being coached by other people. So are you still being coached by other people as well in the terms of wellness or any other aspect of coaching?

Amanda Bearce 58:01

Yes. So I do have a business coach, which is a very different type of coaching than wellness coaching. And I have a group of coaches that I meet with, well, two separate groups. One that I meet with one-on-one, monthly-ish, and one like quarterly, I would say. And it's just kind of what else, you know, what do we need? Does anybody need anything? Not real structured, not real formal at this point, still very powerful. And I still do am really intentional about taking that time to check in with myself and you know, self-coaching if I feel like I can handle it that way. If not, I do have resources that I reach out to.

Regina Sayer 58:37

And as you have been going through this whole healing process with the therapist and all the coaching and wellness that you've learned, have you noticed the shift in the relationships with people around you, with like your your mom, with your your husband, with your kids, with your friends, just in general? Because usually as we heal, we have different perceptions and then about people as well as ourself. And so we start acting differently towards them as well.

Amanda Bearce 59:05

Yes. I would say that I've seen that a lot. And a a lot of it is just more of a relaxed, more open to relationships, sort of whereas before I felt very closed off. I still prefer, you know, a few close friends over, you know, being friends with everybody out there, but that's just that's just my vibe. But yeah, I have seen shifts in those relationships and really in in different areas with different people, which I feel like is fun.

Regina Sayer 59:31

And have they noticed difference in you?

Amanda Bearce 59:33

Yep. I have a cousin that I'm really close with and her husband, which she they've been in a relationship since we were in high school, and they will make comments of like, remember how you used to be like that? You've changed so much. Or they would tell me, you know, we were talking to this person about people who have changed a lot, and your name always comes up. And they, I would say they probably saw mo the worst of it. And so they've really seen that change a lot. My husband never really got that super, I mean, like I said, with him, it's always been so steady. So there wasn't that like super reactive. Where when I was a teenager out doing things, I was having that a lot more. So they saw that side of me more than anybody else, probably, and have certainly seen a change, which is good. It feels good to have other people recognize it. And then also, you know, people that I meet now that I've either told glimpses or I have heard little snippets of my story will tell me, like, oh my gosh, I had no idea that you were ever like that. It's hard to believe that. Or, you know, that I just radiate calm and I love to hear those things because I've worked harder than on this than anything else in my life, I would say. So it's it's really nice to get that feedback that I, you know, I get it and feel it from myself, but also to know that other people around me feel that too.

Regina Sayer 1:00:53

And if you look back over everything that's happened to you, has there ever been a point where you've had the dark night of the soul where you've just felt like giving up?

Amanda Bearce 1:01:01

No, I don't think that's something. I think a lot of the times I had more anger than anything. So not that, you know, giving up sort of thing. It was like there's too much fight in me. Not an and not productive fight a lot of the times. There is a, you know, a productive version of that, but not a per just kind of there was a lot of fight. So but not really that like, well, this is it. Yeah.

Regina Sayer 1:01:27

Yeah. But I mean, I think that underneath anger, I know this for myself because I used to be quite angry, is that underneath anger is usually a lot of fear and pain.

Amanda Bearce 1:01:40

Yeah, I had a feeling that's what you're gonna say. Yes. I think there was a lot of fear, and not always only of outside circumstances, but it doesn't feel good to be like that. So it is kind of scary, especially with my dad's mental health issues of why am I like this? Does that mean I'm gonna be like him? Is this just the first step of what he started to experience? And I know in my early 20s that that was something that I really dealt with because that was when he started to have those problems. So I remember telling my husband when I like before we were a serious couple, I just remember telling him, This is a concern for me. I don't know, you know, I've noticed that I'm like this, I don't know what's gonna happen to me. And I did feel very worried about that for for a good chunk of time.

Regina Sayer 1:02:24

Did you ever feel anger at yourself?

Amanda Bearce 1:02:26

Oh, yeah. A lot of anger at myself, a lot of why couldn't you have done this differently? Why did you do that? If you could only have just whatever, insert whatever it was here, yeah. A lot of anger, thinking that I wasn't doing enough or trying hard enough or making it work because I can see other people doing these things that I was trying to do. Yeah, a lot of anger, a lot of resentment. But most of that was inward. I don't think I really had too much anger towards other people. It was more me.

Regina Sayer 1:02:56

Did you have any of this showing up symptomatically in your body as well? Because you said before you had, you know, your stomach and that was anxiety. So what was the continuing body symptoms that kept showing up all this time until you sorted things out?

Amanda Bearce 1:03:09

The biggest thing was my stomach. That was the longest going one. So many stomach aches, so many random diagnosis and things that I should change. And of course, none of that helped. And then I started realizing, well, when I do these breathing exercises, it goes away for a little bit. Hmm, that's fishy. But that was really the biggest, longest going one. And then I feel like it kind of moved up, and then I would start feeling really in my chest. And then now, if it does happen, I start to feel it in my jaw. So it's kind of weird because I feel like it's like moved up my body as time has progressed. But yeah, the body really does keep score. I have certainly learned that.

What wellness coaching really means

Regina Sayer 1:03:47

Okay. So talk a little bit about this wellness coaching, because what exactly is that? Because when I hear the word wellness coaching, I think of somebody who trains you in a gym, but it's much more than that.

Amanda Bearce 1:04:00

Much more than that. What exactly is that? And wellness coaching, I think it depends. It's it is very broad. So it really depends on the person that you're working with. The way that I like to help women is I help them to tune in, slow down, and learn how to truly take care of themselves. That takes a lot of experimenting because what works for me is likely not what works for you or for the next person. So really trying to do that digging in of what does feel good for me? Am I someone who needs a lot of creative expression? Or do I need time alone? Or am I someone who functions better when I have enough social interaction? But really taking that time to slow down because we're in that hustle world where everything is back to back to back to back. And I find that a lot of the people that I work with haven't even checked in with themselves in who knows how long. So they don't even really know what they need. Why is it that you only work with women? I have worked with men in the past. I'm not against working with men, but I feel like the work that I do most resonates with women.

Regina Sayer 1:05:04

Okay. Are you helping them with things like diet as well?

Amanda Bearce 1:05:07

Generally, but I don't really get into the specifics of diet. Sometimes I have clients that are busy executives or, you know, just back to back in meetings all day, and they've noticed I get home and I'm grouchy and I'm tired. And then we're looking at, you know, what did your day look like? And then they realize, oh, I didn't eat anything. So in those type of ways, yes. Okay, let's let's have breakfast. Let's make sure we're having lunch and a snack in the afternoon. Those ways, yes, but not really getting into like the nitty-a-gritty of diet.

Regina Sayer 1:05:36

As you started into that venture, what parts of it were difficult?

Amanda Bearce 1:05:40

I think the biggest part of it that was difficult for me was putting myself out there. I never envisioned myself being a business owner. So the idea of going out and saying, This is something that I'm doing, can I help you with it? It felt very overwhelming to me. Since I didn't love the jobs that I was in, I was not trying to be noticed. So I was very much behind the scenes. And if you want to have a successful business, you can't do that. I need people to help. You know, if I don't have clients, then I don't have a business, right? So that exposure, I think, was the hardest part for me in the beginning. I mean, it's still not my favorite part, but it's not such a struggle now as it was before.

Regina Sayer 1:06:22

And have you ever worked with a client where you feel just drained because I'm listening to you and I'm thinking that, okay, yes, you have ADHD and you have if, for example, if you're working with somebody, if it puts you in a stressful mood, because I'm thinking to a certain extent, sometimes from a spiritual perspective, and I don't know what your views are on spirituality, but if a somebody who had that spiritual background was listening to you, they would think that you're also very sensitive. You are a highly sensitive person or uh empath. Like I know for myself, I can't stand to go out and be around a lot of people. I just after a while I'm like, okay, I'm out of here. That's it. And I just need to go. So I just wonder have you ever looked at it from the aspect of maybe that you are open to other people's emotions as well? And that maybe it's you pick up on their emotions and you're sort of all messing in with your own and maybe not able to pick out what's yours and what's theirs?

Amanda Bearce 1:07:21

I have honestly never thought of it that way before. I have had certain clients that drain me. And I have learned that if I have a discovery call with someone that I feel drains me, then that's not the person for me to work with. But usually I don't feel drained from like a specific, like say I had a session with a client, I'm not usually getting off of that session drained. Usually I'm actually kind of like hyped up because I love it and I love to see the growth and the progress and progress, and that really fuels me. But I will say if I have a full day of interactions with everybody, I'm tired at the end and drained. I've never thought about if I'm picking up other people's emotions. I'm gonna have to think about that. That's a good question.

Regina Sayer 1:08:07

I mean, what are your views on spirituality? Do you consider yourself a spiritual person, whatever that may be?

Amanda Bearce 1:08:13

I do not consider myself a spiritual person, no.

Regina Sayer 1:08:16

You've never worked with energy of any kind, like doing Reiki or anything.

Amanda Bearce 1:08:20

No. The only type of energy that I really work with is like emotional energy or emotional battery of what are the things that fuel me? What are the things that send me straight to the red zone? Where are the things that I find calm and that sort of thing, but not really outside of that, no.

Regina Sayer 1:08:36

Yeah. It's just because I've, you know, talked with lots of different guests with lots of different backgrounds and do different things, and most recently talking with one also who deals with chronic pain and chronic pain being defined as all sorts of things, addictions, um, ancestral trauma, and that's all coming into, you know, ancestral trauma could even be considered what your father had. That's coming down to you in a genetic way as well. So anyway, not trying to convert you or anything, just putting it out there, wondering. Because when I'm listening to you, I'm thinking of, you know, somebody would just say, oh, she's just like she can't, she needs to protect her energy also.

Amanda Bearce 1:09:15

I mean, I do. I very much protect my energy. And I think that's something that's been learned. It's not something that I had the ability or even awareness to do before. But yeah, I very much protect my energy. Really, if something is costing me my peace or having an evident negative impact on my well-being, it's I'm not doing it. Yeah. But I do notice, like if I'm having multiple interactions with one person and afterwards I'm, you know, feeling off or really tired or edgy or whatever it is, I take note of that and proceed with caution. But on this, on the flip side, you know, if I am having interactions with somebody and every time afterwards I feel like happy or excited and or motivated, I'm very much taking note of that too. Really just living with intention.

Regina Sayer 1:10:03

Yep. Okay. All right. So in terms of yourself, so what are some of these personal practices that you that you do? Because I know you say you do at home yoga Monday through Friday.

Amanda Bearce 1:10:13

I do.

Regina Sayer 1:10:13

Okay. Is that because you don't like going and being around people to do yoga?

Amanda Bearce 1:10:17

Yes. It certainly is. How did you know? Yeah. That for me to get into a relaxed place with, I mean, it realistically, it's not happening in a setting like that. So I do it at home. And also, I don't love a full hour of yoga. I don't need that long. I'll do a shorter bit of yoga where I can, you know, tune in with my body, get my movement in. It's not my main workout, but I'm getting that intentional breathing. I feel like that's a very nurturing thing for me is doing my Monday through Friday yoga. But at the beginning, I would not do yoga because I was trying to go into a studio and at that point not realizing why I felt so on edge the entire time. I have gone, you know, and I am better now if I were to go do it in a studio. It's still just not my favorite way to do yoga. I would rather do it in my own space.

Regina Sayer 1:11:07

Okay. And do you do meditation as part of that?

Amanda Bearce 1:11:10

I do, I just try to really do intentional breathing. Meditation is not always great for me because that involves that real stillness. So I just try to, when I'm doing yoga, make sure I'm incorporating some intentional breathing. Or I do more like micro meditations that are, you know, a minute versus 30 minutes of meditation or a couple minutes.

Regina Sayer 1:11:30

Yeah. Well, they say if three minutes is better than nothing.

Amanda Bearce 1:11:33

Oh, yeah. I mean, I feel a big difference with that intention. And I that think that's really where what my yoga practice is about is that, you know, kind of loving kindness towards my body, but also that intention with my breath because I feel a huge difference when I'm doing that. Yeah. But I on the flip side, if I'm really trying to sit in a specific meditation pose and make that last for longer than 10 minutes, it's doing the breeze reverse for me. I'm not leaving that feeling calm. I'm kind of building up as the minutes go by.

Regina Sayer 1:12:07

But it sounds like you're doing a lot of mindfulness and being very, very aware of everything all the time. Okay. And I saw no caffeine either.

Amanda Bearce 1:12:18

And that's just, you know, not really even a wellness thing for me. It just doesn't feel good in my body. I get kind of anxious. I feel like I'm weird. So it's just I had stopped drinking caffeine when my daughter was for or when I was pregnant with my daughter, and then started drinking it again afterwards. And I felt like I was in the cubicle that I sat in the time, like pacing like a lion at a zoo. Like, okay, I've got to be able to get out of here. And then I was like, why am I doing this? This is not for me.

Regina Sayer 1:12:46

It's funny because for me, everyone's like, my husband is like, I can't drink coffee after five o'clock. And I can drink one at 11 o'clock at night and have no effect at all.

Amanda Bearce 1:12:55

Yeah, there are a lot of people that say that. And I never really tried to, I don't think it made me like hyped up. It just made me feel like edgy or like, yeah, just like a weird vibration.

Regina Sayer 1:13:05

And what about sugar?

Amanda Bearce 1:13:06

Same thing. Yeah, I can manage sugar, but certain times of year, you know, like around Halloween or something, my we used to call it the sugar rage. It's like, okay, I gotta get off, I gotta stop having so much sugar. I'm I'm feeling the sugar rage coming on. So limited, yeah, but not completely void of sugar.

Regina Sayer 1:13:23

Okay. And you said you also do nature walks and journaling as well.

Amanda Bearce 1:13:27

Yeah, love to get out in nature as much as possible. Unfortunately, I live in a city, so there's it's not a daily thing. We do have a really beautiful bosky not too far from us that I can go walk there. My kids actually practice sports there, so I try to squeeze it in when I can. Also, you know, hiking and things like that. I just feel a sort of calm that I don't feel anywhere else out in nature like that. So making it happen whenever possible, camping on trips a couple times this over the summer. The kids and I, we live right by some mountains. We went up to the mountains and hiked during the summer. So just fitting that in whenever I can. Journaling is a more regular thing. I pretty much journal every day. If I skip a day, not a huge deal, but I like to. I like to journal every day. It feels like it helps with the mental clutter. There's not so many things.

Regina Sayer 1:14:15

How long have you been doing the journaling?

Amanda Bearce 1:14:17

Oh gosh, probably say maybe seven years.

Regina Sayer 1:14:20

Ooh, OK long time.

Amanda Bearce 1:14:21

Yeah. And not like a real serious, intense journaling practice where I have to let out my entire heart and soul. Just depends on the day. I, you know, do a couple of things that I'm grateful for every day and try to think about different things. So it's not every day, you know, my family, my home, whatever. Of course, I am grateful for those things every day, but also thinking about the little things like, I don't know, fuzzy socks or an air conditioner. I'm grateful that for the sunshine coming through my window, but really thinking about the different things in my life and what's different each day, because there are different things to be grateful for every single day if we really look for them. And then also, you know, just whatever's in there, if there's anything I don't want to forget, if there's something I got to do tomorrow that I want to make sure I get down, whatever the day brings.

Regina Sayer 1:15:08

And are your kids pretty much understanding of when you say, okay, I need the space, I need this time, you know, when you have in your planner that, okay, this is time that I need to recuperate from all the activities that I've had. And I would imagine that that time is just your time and not necessarily with your kids.

Amanda Bearce 1:15:28

Yes. They, I would say, are pretty good, not perfect. And sometimes my husband's the one to like I'll tell everybody, okay, I'm gonna need some time alone. And then he comes in, I'm like, you are not an exception to this. I meant everybody. Get out of here. But yeah, I think they've realized that if I get that chunk of time and can really recharge, then I can come out and be truly with them, be present with them, play the games with them. Whereas if I am not, then it's like it's not the same. And I think they feel that. So that so they've recognized that. And also they're 10 and 13. So they're at an age where it's more understandable. But through consistency of protecting that space, they've really learned, like, yeah, let's just let her have that time. You know, at first we had to set some definitions. It's like, you know, don't come unless it's emergency. Okay, well, what's an emergency? If a bone is broken, is that an emergency or does there have to be blood? So really setting like guidelines at first. So it's like, really? Either one is an emergency. So we've gotten to a point where they are pretty good about knowing that. And I'll tell them ahead of time, usually. Usually I know when it's coming. And sometimes, you know, it's right when they get home from school and I'll say, hey, I'm gonna be in my room when you get home. I'll come out just as soon as I'm ready, and then we can, you know, think about something that you want to do after that or whatever it looks like for that day. But I do try to give them a heads up if possible.

Regina Sayer 1:16:52

And you're still not taking meds for ADHD either.

Amanda Bearce 1:16:55

No, I did for a little while. Well, I couldn't remember to take it, first of all. You know, hey, ADHD surprising, right? But no, you also have to schedule an appointment every month to go and just a lot of different factors. But no, I didn't feel like I needed to manage it in that way.

Regina Sayer 1:17:09

Yeah, but I guess if you kind of know yourself and you know what the signs are and the triggers are, that you can sort of catch it ahead of time before it falls too late.

Amanda Bearce 1:17:18

Yeah. I think for me a lot of it really is just giving myself the time and space that I need where before I wasn't doing that. That's really the biggest thing for me.

Regina Sayer 1:17:27

Okay.

Small self-care tools for overloaded days

Regina Sayer 1:17:28

So you talk about some self-care snacks that you wanted to share with listeners that you think are great ways of um incorporating into your daily wellness.

Amanda Bearce 1:17:41

Yes. So there are a couple different things that I like to talk about. The first one we'll say, and this one sometimes people think is weird, but I think it kind of brings that intention and mindfulness in. I like to call it a nourishing shower. A lot of the times when I'm working with women, I'm hearing, you know, and I didn't even have time to shower, or I had to rush and take my shower. So I like to, you know, talk about a nourishing shower where we're slowing down. We're putting our phone where we can't see it because I'm hearing people see that they see their phone lighting up and they're like wiping the steam off to try to read it while they're in the shower. No, we're taking a shower, but we're slowing down, you know, really taking the time to feel the water hitting your skin, to smell the bath products that, you know, I know everybody takes all this time and effort picking out their bath products, but then they're rushing and not even smelling them. So taking the time to, you know, smell the soap that you're using, or, you know, even buy a shower spray and really take the time to feel that, you know, and just be present in the moment. And it also sounds kind of weird, but I think it's nice when we're doing that to, you know, be grateful for our bodies. Like I'm washing myself with love. And I think that's a great way to both start and end a day is by just slowing down in your shower and giving yourself a little self-love or self-care in the shower. So that's one really good one that I love. Another self-care snack is just taking a mindful minute because another thing that I hear frequently is that people are rushing all day long and not even stopping to check in with themselves. So even just taking one minute, a couple if you can do it, but even just one where you're not on your phone, you're not looking at your email, you're just present with yourself in that moment and asking yourself, you know, what do I need right now? Is there anything that I can do that would be helpful? Am I thirsty? And I just hadn't noticed. Also, you can do in that moment or separate from it, like a quick body scan. Just scan from head to toe. Is there anything, you know, are you feeling a lot of tension somewhere? Would it be helpful, even at your desk, to do some seated stretching? Because you've noticed you're typing with your shoulders up by your ears for the last few hours. Would it be helpful to do some neck and shoulder stretches? Really finding these ways that don't have to be big hour-long things, but these small little snacks that we can fit into our day-to-day where we can really start to tune in and nurture ourselves. And they don't have to take long and they're not expensive, which I love too. You know, another good one is just taking a minute to just soak in the sun, going outside, getting that fresh air, feeling the sun on your skin. You know, if you have trees around you, noticing the trees, is there any sort of breeze that's rustling leaves? Just bringing yourself into those moments that you're in. I feel like these are all really loving ways that we can care for ourselves quickly and easily throughout your workday. And then I'll just add one more is saying no, learning how to say no, even if it's just to little things, whether it's an internal pressure that you're saying no to yourself or saying no to a task that doesn't need to be yours or a party that you don't need to be a part of, whatever it is, but those things where we can kind of back off and take some stuff off of our plate can always be helpful too.

Regina Sayer 1:21:01

Yeah. So you were talking about the mindful shower. I was thinking back to when I had just had my son. And, you know, I think that mindful showers, what are they? When you've got a baby crying in the next room.

Amanda Bearce 1:21:17

Yes. Yes. It can certainly be challenging. And it doesn't have to be a big long thing. It's just that switching that intention of like getting in, oh my gosh, I got to get out of here as fast as possible, to like while I'm in here, it still might be fast, but I am paying attention to the way it feels to wash myself. I can feel the how good it feels for that warm water to hit my skin. Like it doesn't have to take forever, just kind of changing our intention of it from like getting in, get it out as fast as possible to like, no, while I'm in here, I'm gonna do the same activities and maybe even in the same amount of time, but just change that intention. Like, I'm not just washing to get clean, I'm washing to take care of this body because my body does so much for me every single day. And I love that.

Regina Sayer 1:22:00

Okay, so a little bit of advice for those people who, I mean, you've given them a tool, but for these people who you say are running around and can't, you know, find themselves a minute or they're just sort of come to the end of the day and they're like, where'd the day go? What is your advice on not just the tool, but maybe something that they can do to sort of sit back and say, okay, why have I been running around?

Amanda Bearce 1:22:26

Yeah. So the the first thing that I always talk about with something like that is to, before they even start doing anything, to just add check-ins to their day. So after they check their email in the morning, just check in with yourself. How do you feel right now? What's going on in your mind and your body, and not having any guilt or any shame associated with that, but just using that information because it can be very helpful just to give yourself a second. A lot of the times we're not. We're not giving ourselves a second to think because we're constantly bombarding ourselves with all the things on our to-do list or getting from one place to the next or the kids or whatever it might be. So to just give yourself that second to check in and to just take note of that information so that once we get to the place that we're actually making changes or wanting to get into action, that we have some information, I realized that I was rushing in the morning because I'm leaving five minutes later than I should be. And then I'm starting that day off feeling so stressed just because of the way that it starts out or, you know, whatever. It's so different for each person, which is why it's so helpful to have just a little bit of background. Like I could tell you what to do all day long, but if it's not something that's happening in your life or that works in your life, then I might as well just read you a bedtime story because it doesn't work that way. We have to find the specifics for each person and their specific needs and life.

Regina Sayer 1:23:53

Yeah,

Technology, multitasking, and productivity as self-worth

Regina Sayer 1:23:54

this is something I want to ask you because you come from an IT background and I have an IT background as well, one that I like to forget about. But it was useful at the time. Yes. Do you think that one of the reasons everybody is running around like a maniac maniac, multitasking has anything to do with when Windows came in, you know, and then it was all multitasking. So you could have this window up while you have this window up. And then technology more and more and more became to this state of multitasking that I think has just overflowed into our lives in general. Do you see that? Do you think that?

Amanda Bearce 1:24:30

I see that so much. Yes. And there's a a big thing that I see where people feel that their worth and their value is connected to their productivity levels. So they feel like I have to utilize every second of the day. And if I'm only doing one thing at this moment, then that's not enough. While I'm grocery shopping, I also need to be listening to this thing, this book for the book club that I'm in. Or when I'm putting my kids to sleep, I also need to be sending my follow-up emails. Right. Yeah. Multitasking all day, every day. And then, yeah, unfortunately, having our productivity directly linked to our self-worth, to our value, to the way we feel about ourselves at the end of the day.

Regina Sayer 1:25:11

Yeah. I mean, I found myself, I mean, just today I went out for a walk and I took my ear pods with me. And I'm walking down, I'm thinking, no, you're not going to listen to an audiobook or a podcast. Just walk and listen to the birds and just pay attention. Yeah. So, you know, and I had to fight that urge to put it by my earpods and catch up on something, you know, and even people out walking, you know, they're always listening. They're not really, I don't know, into the reason they're walking.

Amanda Bearce 1:25:43

Yes. Yeah. And I find myself doing that too, because they're also, there's so much great content out there. I want to listen to all these things. I want to learn all of these things. But so I have to be really intentional about while I'm doing this, I am not going to listen. You know, maybe tomorrow I can listen while I'm doing that. But today, no. Every day I have to make sure that I'm carving out time where I can just be in my own head. Yeah. Yep. That's a that's a really big one. We are the multitasking, it's a tricky one too. And it's once you're in that habit, which we all are, it's hard to break.

Regina Sayer 1:26:18

But I'll give you an example of stupid multitasking. Okay. I will be watching TV and I'll have my phone out and I'll be playing a game on my phone at the same time. This drives my husband and son crazy. Yep. But for some reason, I can't like sit at the TV. Yeah. And or maybe it's just because the show is boring. I don't know.

Amanda Bearce 1:26:39

Multiple streams of input. Yeah. Yeah. That's such a common thing.

Regina Sayer 1:26:44

I mean, that's just stupid multitasking. You know, why are you doing both of them and obviously just turn off one and just do the other one? But no, you've got to have both of them on for some reason.

Amanda Bearce 1:26:56

Mm-hmm. One thing I feel like sucks is the, you know, phones, they have made them to be addicting. And social media apps at all of the games and all of that, there, they have those people are so good at their jobs, unfortunately for all of us. Because then it pick wants us, we want to look at it constantly. Sometimes I'm like, why

Regina Sayer 1:27:19

the dopamine.

Amanda Bearce 1:27:20

Yeah, how did I even get here? I picked up my phone to add milk to the grocery list and all of a sudden I'm on Instagram. No, that was not the intention. We did not mean to go this route. That gets me. I'm like, if anybody could be a little less efficient, I would prefer it be the people that make us addicted to our phones.

Regina Sayer 1:27:40

But having said all of that, that's not boo technology. Technology is still a good thing. Otherwise, we would not be having this call, right? Yes.

Amanda Bearce 1:27:47

I mean, absolutely necessary. We need technology, but we need time in our own brains too.

Regina Sayer 1:27:54

Yep, true. Okay. So how can people connect with you? You have Instagram, you have a website. What else?

Amanda Bearce 1:28:00

Yes.

Connecting, final words and closing

Amanda Bearce 1:28:01

The best way to connect with me is through my website, which is simplywellnesscoach.com. There's a little pop-up that comes up for a sign up for my newsletter. I have I send a weekly newsletter, not overwhelming. It is short, sweet with actionable steps. And I love to hear from anybody who's on my newsletter. So I'll get, you know, I'll ask a question at the end or, you know, what did you do this week? Whatever it is. Love to hear and interact with people in my newsletter. So that's really the best way. Have Instagram, not real consistent about it. Social media is not really my jam, but the the website and signing up for my newsletter is really the most consistent place.

Regina Sayer 1:28:36

Do you work with people through the internet or is it only one-on-one?

Amanda Bearce 1:28:40

It's only one-on-one, but I do virtual one-on-one. Sometimes I'll do like groups. I'm not doing any at this exact moment, but I do virtual, yeah.

Regina Sayer 1:28:49

All right. Well, before we close out, is there anything else that you want to add? Anything else you think that's very pertinent to the conversation that we've had today that could help listeners?

Amanda Bearce 1:28:58

Yeah. I think the last thing I would just like to say is I know it can be overwhelming when you're already overloaded. And, you know, the work isn't always easy, but it is so incredibly worth it. And you are worth it.

Regina Sayer 1:29:11

It's good. That's like that's something that we never think about is that we are worth it. We are that we are not worth it.

Amanda Bearce 1:29:17

Yes, that's our brain's default, but we really are worth it. And it and it can feel so good. And then, you know, for those of us that need it, it doesn't just benefit you, it benefits the people around you because they feel the difference in you, and then they also begin to feel more comfortable taking better care of themselves too. So if it helps you to take care of yourself by knowing that you can inspire others, that's a good way to think about it.

Regina Sayer 1:29:41

Okay. Thank you so much for coming and speaking to me. And thank you for sitting through the 30 or 40 minutes we had to go through to get the thing to work. Thank you for the patience.

Amanda Bearce 1:29:51

Thank you so much for having me.

Regina Sayer 1:29:53

Okay. And listeners, please feel free to reach out to Amanda. And I'm sure if anyone just has any questions about anything, she'll be more than happy to follow up with you. Please share the podcast. If there's somebody you know that may be experiencing the same thing and you think this would help them, please share. Okay. So I wish everyone, well, wherever they are in this world, and until the next time, bye, everybody.