From Grief and Infertility to Conscious Pregnancy with Ashley Holmes

Ashley Holmes, a holistic fertility coach whose work grew out of her own experience with grief, unexplained infertility, motherhood, yoga, Ayurveda, and nervous system healing, joins me this week.

Ashley grew up on a farm in a small Canadian town. After the sudden death of her older brother, her family life changed dramatically, and she later left Canada for New Zealand in search of a fresh start. That time abroad deepened her love of children and eventually led her to meet her husband.

Years later, Ashley and her husband faced unexplained infertility. She shares what it was like to go through fertility testing, medication, emotional stress, and eventually become pregnant with twins.

Ashley also talks about the practices that changed how she understood her body, thoughts, stress, and fertility. Through yoga, Ayurveda, meditation, Reiki, and trauma-informed work, she began to approach pregnancy in a more conscious and supported way. She later conceived her third child naturally, and those experiences now shape the way she supports women and couples navigating fertility challenges.

This episode also looks at the loneliness many people feel while trying to conceive, why support is not always the same as advice, and how simply being listened to can make a real difference.

We discuss:

• Ashley’s childhood in rural Canada
• Losing her brother and carrying grief for years
• Moving to New Zealand and beginning again
• Unexplained infertility and fertility treatment
• Becoming pregnant with twins
• Yoga, Ayurveda, Reiki, and trauma-informed support
• Conceiving her third child naturally
• Conscious pregnancy and nervous system support
• The loneliness of fertility struggles
• How friends and family can offer better support
• Yoga Nidra as a simple reset practice

About: Ashley Holmes is a Holistic Fertility Coach and spiritual guide who helps women reconnect with their inner wisdom to naturally conceive and heal. Drawing from Ayurveda, yoga philosophy, and energy medicine, she empowers clients to release limiting beliefs and embody wholeness. Her work is rooted in the understanding that true transformation begins from within - without needing to seek outside validation or authority.

Connect at: FB, IG, FB Group, Website

Transcript

Introduction

Regina Sayer 0:00

Thanks for joining me again for another episode of Wisdom Without the Guru. This time I'm speaking with Ashley Holmes. Now, Ashley's story, I think, is going to appeal to anybody who is having fertility issues, and anybody, I think, who is even looking to get pregnant or is pregnant, because her story encompasses all of that. Ashley discovered through her own life and having twins and going through fertility treatment to have these twins, and then being told that she would never have children again, and turning that around to have another child by changing her mindset through yoga practices and Ayurveda. It's something that I found quite interesting because for myself personally, I do not know anybody who has faced fertility issues. I got pregnant when I was 40 and it was rather quick, so luckily I did not have any issues at all. But there are many, many, many women out there that do have problems getting pregnant. And I think that Ashley's story offers you a glimmer of hope and possibly a way that you can participate in your own fertility with a more conscious approach and a more hopeful approach. So if you do find the show interesting, I do hope that you will share it with your friends and your acquaintances and family or anybody that you know, we appreciate that because it helps the information to get out there and it's a way of helping other people, giving them hope, and maybe giving them some information that they never knew was possible.

Regina Sayer 1:53

Welcome back to Wisdom Without the Guru. I'm your host, Regina. So when you think back to where you grew up, maybe a small town, a big city, or somewhere in between, how did that place shape your early sense of belonging and possibility? And yes, you know, I'm asking questions like I always do at the beginning of every episode because they do relate to the episode. So here's some more for you. Have you ever had a moment when everything in your life suddenly changed and it altered the way you saw yourself or the world around you? Sometimes, when life feels overwhelming, we feel the urge to escape, to start over somewhere, completely new. Have you ever noticed that instinct in yourself and wondered what it was really asking you for? Or did you even follow through on it? And how about this one? Maybe you've been through a struggle where what you hoped for didn't come easily, parenthood, work, relationships. What did that challenge teach you about patience, resilience, or letting go? And sometimes something inside us begins to shift and we realize we are changing in a deeper way. Have you ever felt that? And if you think about the lessons you've carried from your hardest moments in life, what truths would you want to pass on to someone walking a similar path? Today's guest, Ashley Holmes, grew up in a small farm town in Canada, went through sudden and life-changing loss, and eventually started fresh on the other side of the world. Along the way, she discovered practices that helped her heal and shaped who she is and how she sees life now. Today, we'll walk alongside Ashley as she shares how she traveled this journey. And as you listen, notice where her story might echo parts of your own. So, hi Ashley, and welcome.

Ashley Holmes 3:46

Thank you. What a beautiful intro.

Regina Sayer 3:48

How is it in Canada?

Ashley Holmes 3:51

It is fiery and hot at the moment, and I'm looking forward to fall.

Regina Sayer 3:55

I can't believe somebody living in Canada would actually say fiery and hot.

Ashley Holmes 4:01

I live in the one part of Canada that has a desert. I think that's why.

Regina Sayer 4:05

Where is this, Ontario?

Ashley Holmes 4:07

Or no, it's in British Columbia.

Regina Sayer 4:10

Oh gosh, okay. I was thinking about moving there actually at some point if I could have got accepted by the border control people.

Ashley Holmes 4:19

There's always a lot of paperwork when you want to try to move.

Regina Sayer 4:22

I know, I know. Ashley and I have some things in common, is that it's New Zealand. And before we started, I shared a um, I have a fairy oracle deck that I got when I was in New Zealand, because I've been to New Zealand like four or five times for various things, including heart, mind, body exhibitions. And I picked this up. And so I thought, okay, I'm going to choose a card before I do this episode with Ashley. And it's so weird because the card that came up is Tiki, the first human being. That card is representative of fertility. And that's exactly going to be one of the main topics we end up talking about in this episode. And I just thought, that is just such a coincidence. Don't you think it's kind of weird?

Ashley Holmes 5:11

There are no good coincidences, though. And I think it's just absolutely divine that that's what you pulled. Of course it is.

Regina Sayer 5:18

And now Ashley is going to go find that same deck in New Zealand next time she goes back.

Ashley Holmes 5:23

I am. I will be on the look for it.

Regina Sayer 5:26

So let's start with where you grew up in Canada. So talk about childhood, growing up. What's it like growing up? Because you were in a pretty small town. Uh, what were the dynamics that were going on, you know, in the town, in your family, in your childhood, in your school, in your friendships.

Ashley Holmes 5:43

I

Growing up on a Canadian farm

Ashley Holmes 5:44

grew up in a very small town and it had one traffic light. So that it to me is small town back in the day. It obviously it is since growing. But this is in the middle of Canada, in the prairies, where it's very cold in winter. We're talking minus 20 to minus 40, oftentimes for months on end. But I love being on a farm. I love being outside. I love being in nature. I was the youngest of three ch children, so five in my family. And I got on a school bus to go to school every single day, pretty much, until I got a driver's license. And that's really what life sort of looked like for me. Was yeah, quite, I would say, not what children oftentimes experience today. That, you know, most people grow up on a small bit of property, on a small bit of land, and they don't have that exposure to what farm life is actually like and what it's all about.

Regina Sayer 6:46

And do you remember enjoying it when you were younger?

Ashley Holmes 6:49

Oh, yes, definitely. There was lots of joy in my favorite thing to do as a child was to play tag on the hays bales. We had a cat.

Regina Sayer 6:58

Can't even imagine what that's like.

Ashley Holmes 7:00

We had a dog always. You know, there was we had horses for a period of time. Everything sort of seems to um cycle in phases, but definitely there was a lot of fond memories and you know, a tire swing on the tree in a massive garden and throwing a baseball against a shed and lots of things.

Regina Sayer 7:22

So you would say that you just had a typical growing up up until a certain point?

Ashley Holmes 7:27

Yes,

Family loss, grief, and life after her brother’s death

Ashley Holmes 7:28

I would say I had a typical childhood up until about the age of around nine, and then things definitely took a different twist.

Regina Sayer 7:38

And so what happened then?

Ashley Holmes 7:40

Initially, my parents separated, then they got back together within probably nine months, and then not long after that, my brother, who was seven years older than me, died in a car accident. So that definitely changed the dynamics of my home and my life, my perspective of life, and was definitely a pivotal moment in time for me.

Regina Sayer 8:05

Were you very close to your brother? Because I know, like for myself, my brothers are six, seven years older than me, but they left when I was quite young, so I was never very close to them. How were things with you and your brother? Because when he died, you felt a huge loss.

Ashley Holmes 8:22

Yes, because he hadn't left home yet. It was like the summer after he graduated, and so I had spent my whole life with this person. This is someone that was always there and then suddenly wasn't anymore. So that was a huge shift in what the reality of life looked like going forward.

Regina Sayer 8:41

How did your family deal with this death? Were they able to explain it to you? And I mean, were you part of like a church where you went to somebody and they could talk to you and talk you through your grief at this time?

Ashley Holmes 8:54

No. We did live, I would say, in a religious community where there was probably only one traffic light, but probably 10 to 20 churches in the town. We didn't regularly go or attend church, and so the only time we did go was for weddings or for funerals, and so there wasn't really a support or go-to person at that time to help navigate this. And initially everybody pulled together, and you have all the support, and then you know, everything sort of crumbled within two years, and my mom left, and so by this stage, then my sister was also going off to university, and it was just me and my dad. And so life went from five to two in a very short span of time, and so it was definitely the most challenging time that I experienced personally, and also part of the reason why when I graduated I hopped on a plane and went to New Zealand.

Regina Sayer 10:02

But what did you do between the time that your brother passed away and you hopped on the plane? I mean, how did you manage your life? What were you doing?

Ashley Holmes 10:11

I was in high school, but it was not a place that I enjoyed necessarily. There was just it felt like a lot of chaos in my life. I played sports and went to high school and had a job, and that's what I pretty much did. And the moment that I could, you know, I was really in fight or flight mode, and so the moment that I could flee, I hopped on a ticket and that on a plane, and that's what I did.

Regina Sayer 10:38

And you said that your coping mechanism was always alcohol as well when you were a teenager.

Ashley Holmes 10:45

Yes.

Regina Sayer 10:45

Not always, but it was.

Ashley Holmes 10:47

It was not a healthy coping mechanism at all, but not knowing what to do with pain and thinking that, you know, you could numb your pain. Yeah, it might work in the moment, but it's still there beneath the surface. And not having, you know, s strategies and people to or tools to support you to actually move through and process that because it was decades later until I actually processed that trauma and not realizing that this trauma had lived in my body for so long and that it was playing out in real time because it had never been processed or dealt with properly.

Regina Sayer 11:27

So at the time you were actually not aware that you held such grief within you. You just felt alone and isolated.

Ashley Holmes 11:35

I did know because I also knew, you know, my life didn't look like my friends' lives. You know, I felt like my friends had carefree lives, they had no worries, they had, you know, they weren't going through the things that I was going through. So it felt quite unrelatable to other people.

Regina Sayer 11:52

Is that part of the reason you never spoke about it to anybody?

Ashley Holmes 11:55

It's kind of like the ever elephant in the room, like everybody knows, but also nobody knows how to talk with or handle grief, especially in the West. And it's really uncomfortable, and people hate to sit with what is uncomfortable. They don't know how to navigate with that with you or support you. And so it is, you know, often our greatest pain is also our greatest teacher, and it has been, but it certainly wasn't easy.

Regina Sayer 12:24

Yeah, and my experience has been, or at least I felt like it was at the time, that the focus was more on the parents who had lost a child rather than the sibling who had lost a sibling. So I don't know how you felt, but I know when I lost my sister and I wasn't young. I was 40, 41, and my sister was four years older than me. But uh I I felt like nobody ever recognized my grief because they were so absorbed with how my mother must have been feeling. And I held a lot of anger in myself for like two years before I actually figured out why I was so angry, and I was angry because of that. Because nobody ever recognized my grief as a sibling. I don't know if that's maybe come into play or is that something you found out later at all?

Ashley Holmes 13:15

I think that it's just so different for every single person, right? Like that's why my parents' marriage didn't work out, is because everybody grieves in a different way and it affects everybody in a different way. And so there's no right or wrong, but I think it's to honor your own way and to realize that that doesn't have to look like anybody else's, but that it is a process, and by not dealing with it and by stuffing it down and repressing it, you know it's still there and it's still active within you.

Regina Sayer 13:44

Yeah.

Leaving Canada and finding a fresh start in New Zealand

Regina Sayer 13:45

Okay. So let's move to the fact that you escaped Canada and decided to go to New Zealand. So why New Zealand? How did you you pick that? And I don't know what it is about you Canadians in New Zealand, but this makes two of you now I've had on the podcast from Canada who went over to New Zealand. So how did that come about?

Ashley Holmes 14:05

You know, my my choice personally was to go to New Zealand or Australia because I wanted to miss a Canadian winter. I wanted to go from summer to summer to summer to summer and come home, and that's what I did. And that was part of the reason. And I also chose New Zealand because I went on an exchange, and so New Zealand is a smaller, more compact country, so therefore I would be able to travel it easier, meet more people easier, navigate it with a bit more ease, having never been there or stepped foot there before.

Regina Sayer 14:39

And so what was the exchange that you went on?

Ashley Holmes 14:42

It was an agricultural exchange. So I went there and I worked on a sheep beef farm as a nanny and learned so many things as the youngest in my family. I had no younger siblings. It was, you know, learn as you go type of thing. But it was simply what I needed at that point in time was, you know, a fresh start, a fresh environment, something all new. And it really, you know, back in 2000, it was like going and stepping back in time. Everything wasn't as modern as it is in Canada or was in Canada. I mean, nowadays everybody has everything at the touch of a fingertip. But back then, the music, the movies, everything was just like stepping back in time. And so it really just was uh a fresh start and a new beginning for me, and one of the best decisions I ever made, as that's where I later met my husband and married my husband.

Regina Sayer 15:43

What was it that you enjoyed the most about the because you went there for a short period and then you came back and then you went back again. But what was it about New Zealand that you really liked it enough to actually go back again and then marry a Kiwi? Apart from the fact you married your husband.

Ashley Holmes 15:59

For me, I think New Zealand really represents almost like a smaller Canada. It's like being home, but not. And so there is a lot of comfort, I think, in that. And just how outdoorsy the Kiwis are, and there is just so much beauty in New Zealand that is just jaw-dropping.

Regina Sayer 16:25

I agree, I agree. I miss the fact that I went going to New Zealand so easily, and the people are lovely, and but yeah, it is like you say, that's a fantastic way to describe it, jaw-droppingly beautiful. And it's so diverse too, the north north island and the south island. So, okay, you seeped into the culture and land of New Zealand to start your healing almost, in a sense.

Ashley Holmes 16:57

Definitely.

Regina Sayer 16:58

Well, I guess you started your love of children then. Had you been exposed to children before that, before being an you were an au pair or a nanny? What do you call it there?

Ashley Holmes 17:06

I was a nanny there, and it really was just the best thing that happened to me because I developed such a love for children, and had I not had that experience, you know, I probably wouldn't have had such a deep desire later in life to have children and to want children because that really ignited something within me that wow, like they're just such sacred little beings, and they're just full of so much joy in life.

Regina Sayer 17:34

Okay. So after 10 months in New Zealand, you then went back to Canada and then you traveled to Europe for a while. So what was the deal with going to Europe? You were just wanting to spread your wings some more and just get out and about?

Ashley Holmes 17:46

I had met a lot of international exchange students, and a large majority of them were from Europe. And to me, that was just the perfect way to see Europe, go out and see all of my friends, and then come home and then start studying. Because in this , at this point in time, my father was starting to be like, Are you ever going to go to college? Are you ever gonna go to school? Are you just going to travel around?

Regina Sayer 18:14

So your father never thought you were gonna go to college, but your time in New Zealand sort of paved the way because then you decided to go into early childhood education.

Ashley Holmes 18:25

Yes. So I became qualified in Canada, and then once I was qualified in Canada, I bought a one-way ticket back to New Zealand only to learn that I was going to have to re-certify part of it there, but part of it is because of the Maori language and the Maori tradition, and to learn that aspect of it because it is a bilingual country, and so that was an important piece that I obviously didn't have.

Regina Sayer 18:56

So you learned Maori?

Ashley Holmes 18:58

I learned a bit of it. I would not say that I am definitely not anymore. Um, I have limited recollection of a lot of it, but it is part of their teaching framework and a lot of what it's offered. So just having that awareness and knowledge of certain aspects and things was fundamental for being employed there. Like you had to be trained in order to work in a center.

Regina Sayer 19:27

Okay. I'm just curious because my exposure to the Maori culture has been through the Heart Mind Body festivals that I've attended. So it's always been through a very spiritual aspect. And it was really quite overwhelming, for example, when they opened one of the ceremonies by joining in a circle and singing one of their songs, and I just huge amount of energy going through me. So did you experience while you were in New Zealand this aspect of spirituality within yourself because you were exposed to that culture?

Ashley Holmes 19:57

I wouldn't say that I was, but I definitely am interested in that going back this year because that wasn't really where I was at at that point in my and time in my life. So that wasn't what I was really seeking and looking for then.

Meeting her husband and returning to Canada

Regina Sayer 20:16

Okay. So you went back and you said that three days after returning to New Zealand you found your husband to be.

Ashley Holmes 20:25

Yes.

Regina Sayer 20:26

So that was rather convenient.

Ashley Holmes 20:29

It really was. See, my soul knew, and I just had to follow and and take that leap because your soul always knows, and we don't always follow our intuition or these nudges that the universe is giving us, but my soul knew I was going back, and the reason I'd bought a one-way ticket was because I was a bridesmaid for her sister. And so when I went back, I was, you know, meeting all of these girls, and the boys were getting together, and yeah, we met and the rest is history, really, because he proposed after six months. And so I said, No one's gonna come to a wedding in New Zealand, though, if they don't meet you in Canada first. So first we have to go to Canada. You need to actually experience winter. And so we came for five weeks. We went skiing and snowboarding and did all the Canadian things, and then I was like, Okay, now they will come to our wedding in a year that they've met you.

Regina Sayer 21:28

And he was ready to go back to New Zealand after that weather experience.

Ashley Holmes 21:33

He was quite enamored by it uh on our holiday. I would say when we moved here and we moved to the middle of Canada, that the novelty wore off quite quickly. And so we only stayed there for a few years, and then as soon as we had twins, then we we moved further away to where the climate is fiery and hot in summer and things are more like New Zealand where we live now.

Regina Sayer 22:04

But you decided to move back to Canada because it was just too expensive in New Zealand, I guess.

Ashley Holmes 22:09

It really was a hard place as a young married couple to get started. We needed $75,000 deposit for a house, and this is, you know, 25 years ago. And so for us that was just it just seemed out of reach. And because it is such a small country and such a small place and so many things are imported, it is quite expensive there and it is hard to get ahead.

Regina Sayer 22:35

Sounds like where I grew up in the Bahamas, everything's imported, so everything's expensive. So I can understand a little bit of that. And we're much smaller than New Zealand. But okay, so you got back into Canada and then you continued in your early education job for a while. And then was it when you were back in Canada that you uh were trying to get pregnant, or was that in New Zealand?

Unexplained infertility, fertility treatment, and becoming pregnant with twins

Ashley Holmes 22:59

No, we were not trying to conceive when we were in New Zealand because we only stayed there for probably a year before all the paperwork was done, after we were married, but for my husband to come here, we had to prove our relationship and we had to submit photos and we had to do all sorts of things, and there was all sorts of bits and pieces that we had to provide for him to be able to move here. And so that takes time and money and all of the things, too. So we didn't start to try for a family until we had been here for a few years, and then there was denial that that anything could be behind it, or why it wasn't working, or why it wasn't happening. So only after more time than probably necessary, like 18 months to two years, was I like, okay, I think I'm ready, and it is time to go to a fertility clinic. But I also felt like going down that road was gonna lead to heartbreak or happiness. And so it took me a while to feel like I was ready to take that step. And yes, I was very blessed and did walk away with twins, but also it was not something that I was willing and ready to put myself through again because there's a huge emotional and mental toll that it takes with you, and also still not having the tools and resources to know how to navigate all of this chaos that comes alongside of it. And so I walked away with unexplained infertility, no answers from the doctors, and not thinking I could have any more children on my own. And that simply was not the truth. I have three.

Regina Sayer 24:39

Can you just sort of go into a little bit more depth about what you did? Because for anybody who's listening, if they may be thinking about this option, just sort of explain. I mean, obviously in each country it's going to be a little bit different how it's done. But, you know, this process of you actually trying and then know the different types of meetings you must have gone through and the different types of doctors you must have seen, just you you sort of just encapsulated it there, but can you just go into a little bit more detail? Because I just really really want people to understand what this is like, because frankly, I don't even understand what it's like.

Ashley Holmes 25:17

So typically they test your partner, test his sperm, that was all good. And so then the issue then resided with me, and so it was trying to figure out why this wasn't happening naturally when all the tests came back clear and there was nothing to, you know, medically diagnose me as to why this was not happening. And so, you know, the tubes are clear and you get poked and rotted and all of the things, and everything is coming back normal. And yet this isn't normal because this is something that technically the body is designed to do, so why isn't it happening? And so I started taking fertility drugs, and I was given six months of fertility drugs, and after three months I was told this should have worked by now, you should have been pregnant, at which point was pretty defeating to have them say that because I was doing everything I was meant to do and checking all the boxes, but it was also pretty stressful, so that is not a good state to be in when it is so stressful and you are stressed, and yet you want to relax and be in the moment, and it just doesn't necessarily work that way. So the next steps were going to be looking towards IBF, and yet I still had this medication, and while things were still in the works, I was like, I'm going to just keep taking this, even though I didn't know if this was going to reap any results, but I also felt less stress and pressure because you know they had said this should have worked by now, and that is when it did work though, was because I wasn't so stressed out and under so much pressure was when I actually did fall pregnant with my twins, and so was blessed with a boy and girl and they made it quite far in my pregnancy, and I had a c-section and then went home with two brand new babies, and then it was learning how to to have more hands than I did.

Regina Sayer 27:30

Yeah, because twins at that first try, twins.

Ashley Holmes 27:35

Yes. No one can actually prepare you for that moment though. There is nothing anyone can say or do until you're in it, and then you're like, wow, this is it, and this is what it feels like. And it definitely was. I mean, my husband's amazing and all hands on deck from day one is pretty much been the way it is, because that's the way it's had to be.

Regina Sayer 27:57

Did you recognize at the time that the reason that you got pregnant was because your stress levels had dropped? Or did you just recognize that in retrospect?

Ashley Holmes 28:07

Oh no. I wouldn't say that I was that consciously aware at the time to be able to really truly see. Because when you're in it, it is so hard to have a bird's eye perspective of the whole situation. And so that's really why I do the work that I do, is because you don't oftentimes, and the women that come to see me don't realize how stressed out and how all-consuming this can be, and the mental, emotional, and physical toll and spiritual toll it's taking on them.

Regina Sayer 28:37

Okay. So you started doing yoga with a five dollar Canadian dollar karma class.

Ashley Holmes 28:46

Yes.

Regina Sayer 28:46

When your twins, I'm looking at my notes here. When my twins, when your twins, not my twins, when your twins were two years old. How did that happen? Do you just sort of saw this and said, Oh, well, let me try?

Ashley Holmes 28:57

I had landed on a yoga mat in a gym in New Zealand, and but that was not a hot yoga class. This was just yoga on a carpet floor. Um, after classes were done. And so that was quite different to what I experienced in Canada, where it was hot, sweaty, fast, quick moving, and that isn't what initially got me hooked. And yet that is not what led to me conceiving my miracle child or what really led to my own spiritual awakening or inner transformations. Yeah. One got me in the door, but one one wasn't the the whole offering of what is actually truly available to us and actually what yoga truly is in its essence.

Regina Sayer 29:46

I can't tell you how many people tell me that their first entrance into yoga is through hot yoga. And personally, I mean, that was not my entrance into yoga. My entrance was like with my ballet instructor way, way back when I was something like 14 years old. He used to force us into doing yoga because he thought it helped us with the breathing as well and with the postures in in ballet. Not that I was any good at ballet, but yeah, a lot of people seem that they go it into it doing hot yoga, and I think it's because they're using it as an exercise, maybe in the beginning. Do you think?

Ashley Holmes 30:21

Definitely. I mean, it has those benefits, right? It has the strength and flexibility and the detoxification, and there are so many benefits to it. But then as I began to learn about myself more, I began to realize that this is not what serves me or my body best because of the way that I'm designed. And so I still do yoga every day, but I haven't been in a hot yoga room since I was pregnant with my youngest one because the minute I was pregnant, the heat was just too much and I didn't feel good, and I just had to give almost immediate leave of, you know, like I have a headache and I can't teach this class, and I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore.

Regina Sayer 31:05

Okay. And so when did you actually get onto the path of the yoga that you do now?

Ashley Holmes 31:12

So I trained in the hot yoga, and then it began as me wanting to teach other forms of yoga and not understanding or realizing how much deeper yoga is and how much more there is available to us there. And so I had done my 200-hour hot yoga training, and then I was doing a 300-hour yoga training that embodied a whole bunch of forms of yoga, as well as Ayurveda and meditation and a lot of other key components that are that are part of yoga as well. And my mentor locally is a former monk from India. And so the teachings that I received are very ancient and very sacred and very life-changing, and really the essence of what yoga is meant to be and how it's meant to be embodied and how it's meant to be practiced. What I really needed in my life was not the Hatha, quick-moving, fast-paced yoga, but was yin yoga and restorative yoga, where I was slowing down, breathing calmer, and you know, really learning to come out of fight or flight mode into rest and digest mode, and realizing that this is not a one-and-done thing, that we do need to reset and that we do need to listen to our body and have tools and resources available to us to be able to balance and align our energy on a day in and day out basis.

Regina Sayer 32:48

How did you meet your mentor?

Ashley Holmes 32:50

I met him because of someone else I knew at the yoga studio, and the two of them were doing this training. And so I thought that lying on bolsters wasn't going to do anything for me. Yet I wanted to be from an ego perspective, I wanted to be able to teach all different types and forms of yoga. And what I learned was that there was so much beneath the surface where in yoga you're getting into the issues in your tissues. And restorative yoga offers that deep rest for mind, body, and spirit. And therapeutic yoga can help with those areas where they may be deemed, you know, problem areas, or you've had an injury there, or you've had surgery, or whatever the case may be, you know, helping to return that to its optimal state.

Regina Sayer 33:44

And I'm just curious because some of my experiences of yoga have been attending these yoga classes where there's, you know, like 30 to 50 people in it. For me, I really disliked that because I felt like the teacher, first of all, does not connect with you very individually. And secondly, you can hurt yourself because they can't possibly keep track of everybody else, you know, what they're doing, and if they're doing something that's incorrect and that could hurt themselves. And then I've had very small, I've had a um a woman, an Indian woman in Singapore, who I used to go to her house, and you know, she had like maybe five people that she was teaching, so she and she knew what your problem areas were. So it was always a mix that she was doing, which was great. So I guess in terms of the types of attention that these different types of yoga that you do, do you feel that they are aimed at small groups, small classes, or can you do you think successfully teach a large class of 30 to 50 people?

Ashley Holmes 34:46

I think it depends on the instructor and the length of time that they've taught for and if they have consistent students that are keep coming to them, or whether it is just, you know, a run-of-the-mill of like newbies just floating through the door. But I think you need to know yourself. And as a student, you know, it's key to always listen to your own body and to not push yourself beyond your capabilities in that day, in that moment, in that pose. Because I definitely have, you know, from an ego perspective, especially when training, you know, done things that in hindsight weren't loving and kind and gentle to my body, but just to try to get into whatever shape or pose and to hold that for whatever length of time. And so a lot of the practices that I offer, though, are not so much alignment-based, but soul-based of you actually listening to your body and tuning into your body and following your body's signals and actually giving it what it needs.

Regina Sayer 35:55

Do you think that that is more the actual background and history of yoga? Is this listening to your soul rather than getting into the pose?

Ashley Holmes 36:04

Absolutely. I mean, the shapes are there to guide you, but they're not meant to be mechanical movements and they're not meant to unconsciously be done. They're meant to consciously be done. And so I think there's a big difference there, and it's also unfortunately been made into money-making proposition versus what it is truly in its essence meant to be.

Yoga teacher training, loss, and listening to the body

Regina Sayer 36:32

Now, I have a note here that you had a friend who also died in a car accident, and this was almost a catalyst in your decision to pursue yoga teacher training. Can you talk about that a little bit? Because that must have been like what happened to you when your brother passed away coming around again in a circle.

Ashley Holmes 36:51

Yes. You know, we would used to go to the five dollar karma class, and then it was no longer, you know, what was going to happen because she was no longer here. But it also was a catalyst to I think because I had tried so long to have children and then I had them, it was like, no, I need to wait till they're older, or I need to wait till this point in time until, you know, I prioritize these things in my life. And yet it was really answering that calling of, I'm really called to do this. I really want to explore this further. And just following that whisper of, we're not guaranteed any amount of time here, and to truly make the most time. That made me also a better person and a better mother and a better wife because I got to understand myself and my body, and so much healing came from me landing on my yoga mat and diving deeper. And so it was a blessing in disguise.

Regina Sayer 37:45

But and did your husband try it as well? Does he do yoga as well?

Ashley Holmes 37:49

He's hot and cold. He is not a consistent yogi, but I I don't ever try to force anything upon anyone because that is not going to bode well for them or me. You know, it has to come from them and it has to come from within, and it has to come from their desire. So, you know, sometimes if there is an ache or a pain, then he will ask for yoga. And I mean, he is always welcome to join me, but that is his decision, or he was preparing and training for a competition, and so he wanted to include that as part of his regimen. And so we made a plan for that to happen, but it's not, you know, and my kids might pop in and out of poses whenever, wherever we are, but it's organic and natural and not prescribed.

Regina Sayer 38:43

Okay. So did you give up your job in early childhood or did you continue doing that and then teach part-time? How did that work?

Ashley Holmes 38:52

Pretty much once I had done my and completed my well, I wasn't even completed my teacher training because I fell pregnant during my teacher training. Once that happened and the miracle was on its way, I just knew that with three kids at home that I was not going to be doing that anymore. And I had only done it on a very part-time basis when I was needed. And they had space for me to bring my two kids as well, because I was coming with my two bundles of joy as well. So that, you know, was a span of time of probably close to 20 years, and and then it ended. But I feel like that phase of life, that chapter needed to come to a close because I was being guided and called to follow my soul and to also embody and embrace things that had come to be important to me, like silence and stillness and meditation and yoga and all of these things. And so those don't really necessarily always go so hand in hand with working with children, although I do offer yoga at my kids' school and stuff sometimes, and do it what I feel called, or that there could be a need and a desire for it.

Conscious pregnancy, mindset, and conceiving her third child naturally

Regina Sayer 40:12

Your youngest, so your third child, you told me that you had been l labeled as a geriatric, excuse me, I can't even pronounce it, geriatric pregnancy at the age of 36 by doctors. What the heck does that mean? You're too old. Are they trying to say you're too like starting to be too old to have kids or or what?

Ashley Holmes 40:34

Yes, once you're over 35, they deem you geriatric. And to me, it was almost comical because I was like, you can say that, but I am not embodying that at all. Because compared to a twin pregnancy, a singleton pregnancy felt like an absolute cakewalk, and I certainly did not feel geriatric at all. I felt a million times better. So, you know, I think you can embody these things, you can embody anything that, you know, someone wearing a white coat tells you, but it doesn't necessarily mean it needs to be your truth. You know, you can take it with a grain of salt and allow your own experience to dictate how you move forward.

Regina Sayer 41:15

Gosh, you know, I got pregnant. I had my son when I was 40.

Ashley Holmes 41:20

Mm-hmm.

Regina Sayer 41:21

Okay, so they either speak Flemish, Dutch here, or French. So if they said that, if they said it in other language, maybe I didn't get it, or maybe just no one said that here, because oh my gosh, I'm not sure how I would have taken that if somebody told me I was having a geriatric. I mean, when I got married, I was like 30, 35, 36, and they were already saying, like in the Bahamas, unmarried women used to be called spinsters. If you weren't married before the age of 20, you are a spinster. So spinster and geriatric. Oh dear. Okay, so all this time, you've been going through your yoga practices, and obviously your whole mindset and your way of understanding has been shifting. So during that time, what were some of the new understandings that you came to and new way of um seeing your life as well as everything around you at that time? Because that was still in the early stages.

Ashley Holmes 42:20

What really awakened within me was that I could rewire my thoughts, that I could make new neural pathways in the brain, and that I didn't have to have all of these looping thoughts that had been running in my mind for so long really dictate, you know, my future and my reality. And realizing all this unconscious programming that was within me wasn't necessarily what I desired to have on repeat. And so that was really life-changing. And to realize that a thought can just be a thought and I don't have to amplify it and put thought and emotion behind it, and then make it land energetically in my body, perhaps with a negative charge behind it, that is not going to lead to me being in a harmonious and peaceful state.

Regina Sayer 43:12

What you're saying is what I usually hear people say when they've gone through coaching or therapy or something like that. But you didn't do that. All of this came to you through your yoga practices and Ayurveda practices.

Ashley Holmes 43:27

Yes. And to me, this is more and has been, and I'm just speaking to my experience, but you know, I had been to see a therapist when I was trying to conceive my twins, and I did not find it helpful. It didn't change my mindset at all. I didn't even breach the topic of trying to conceive with this fellow who was older than me, near retirement, because I just didn't think it was going to land with him or He was going to understand or be able to help me to navigate this in a positive way. And so I didn't even have that trust there that this person could actually help me. And so I think it's important that you have someone that you can be vulnerable and open and share with. And also that you're not just working with your analytical mind because you can rehash and talk about things, but it's not going to change the experience of anything that happened. And you can only change, you know, your perspective of the past and work with the feelings and emotions that you have taken away from any experience that are still active and alive within you. And so I think it's really understanding yourself and wanting more for yourself and wanting to actually truly heal on a soul level versus on a surface level. There are many band-aid fixes out there, but what I was able to learn and what I was able to embody changed me from the inside out and the trajectory of my life and my family's life. And you know, since then I've just continued to dive deeper and went with my mentor, who I studied locally here, over to India this past year to go on retreat and learn from his guru there. And so I think that there's always the opportunity, but it also means actually doing the deep inner work and facing, you know, our shadows and that discomfort, and also having the people there to shed light where you're stuck and to help you navigate that with some ease and some grace, and always has been in a space of compassion and non-judgment.

Regina Sayer 45:58

And at what point were you in all these new realizations when you got pregnant?

Ashley Holmes 46:04

Really, what helped me to become pregnant was the unconscious sort of reality that I had unconsciously been creat creating a reality I didn't necessarily desire. But if that was true, then I could also consciously create the reality I desire. And so that was really just an eye-opening moment for me to have that clarity and that understanding that everything isn't set in stone as I had believed it to believe to be, you know, and for a lot of my life I had felt like a victim and like I didn't have any control over my life, and that I was powerless in so many situations and circumstances, and yet was really an opportunity to become sovereign and to really liberate myself also from all of the suffering that I had experienced and yet had never really processed or healed. A huge part of my own healing journey was letting go of the past and surrendering and letting go of all the pain and all the hurt and all the sadness and all of the rest of it that hadn't been processed in the time.

Regina Sayer 47:17

And what was the most difficult part of letting go? And also, was there anything you discovered that you were holding on to other than what you just said that you didn't know you were holding on to?

Ashley Holmes 47:29

I really had to just trust that what had gotten me this far, and if I continued in this trajectory, and if I continued on this path, it wasn't going to change anything. So what if I let go of what I'd been holding on to and gripping so tightly and created space and opened up because I feel like I was very closed-minded before, but had had my mind opened for a different way of being and different experiences and different opportunities. And so I think I would have necessarily thought that I was an angry person, but I did hold a lot of anger inside of me. And so it was, I guess, bringing that sense of wholeness to all of myself and seeing all those parts and sides of myself that I hadn't necessarily shone a light on because it's not necessarily pretty to look at our anger and to look at our guilt and to look at our shame and to look at our fear and to actually face them head on instead of hopping on a plane and running away.

Regina Sayer 48:40

Was it difficult to deal with the grief that you were holding

Grief, healing, and seeing life and death differently

Regina Sayer 48:43

inside from the passing of your brother?

Ashley Holmes 48:45

It was, but it was also very enlightening and very healing to have a different perspective shone on it. And even I would say, even more so since I went to India this past year and just saw the way that the East views life and death as one, and that there is a different way to process grief and move through grief, and that it doesn't have to be how it how I have perceived it and how most of us have lived it in the West, I would say that it's not necessarily talked about. There's brief support in the moment when something terrible happens and then everything disappears, whereas there's a lot of ceremony and spirituality around both life and death in the East. And so it was very eye-opening to just be able to see that. And actually, one of the days that I was there, we actually spoke about death for a whole day, and it was the only day that I had not read the night before what we were doing the next day, but I feel like that was very healing for me, and also is going to help me in moving forward and helping with clients that come to me having experienced miscarriages and failed IVFs and stillbirths and all sorts of things that can happen that are unexpected, and yet they leave this trauma in the body and mind and spirit, and to really take time to actually process that and be able to move forward in a way that serves them best and serves their baby and their future best. Because I think people don't realize that what we don't heal ourselves, we're passing on to our children. And so when we do this in our work, then we are really gifting them that they don't have to.

Regina Sayer 50:45

So that brings me to the question of having your child, because you said that you had this dramatic birth experience where your water broke while you were hiking.

Ashley Holmes 50:53

They were going to induce me, and I didn't want to be induced. So I said to my husband, let's go for a hike, and he was like, I don't want to carry you, and I said, I don't want you to carry me. I want this baby to come out by itself because I didn't desire to have a C-section again, because it's very hard to care for everybody after you've been cut open. So we went for the hike and we ate hot curry, and then we're like trying to do all of these things before my twins school. And then yeah, then we ended up back at the hospital. But um, yeah, he did come out. He's my little pumpkin because he arrived on Halloween here in Canada.

Regina Sayer 51:41

So do you think that because of how you were when you were trying to get pregnant the first time and had your twins, has that trauma been passed down to them in some way? And also because you were in a much better space for yourself spiritually, everything wise, when you had your third child, is that child affected differently? Are you able to ascertain that and how they are?

Ashley Holmes 52:07

Yeah, how it's you know, we can only ever do our best with what we have in the moment. And at that point in time, it was high stress conception, a high stress pregnancy, a high stress ended up being an emergency C section, and then a harder postpartum period, and then becoming a new mom, you know, that frame of mind and that, you know, the heart of all of that consisted for a very long time afterwards. And so they have a very different energy and spirit and dynamic and being compared to my youngest. And so, because when he was conceived, I was finishing doing all this prana meditation training. I literally felt like I had this little Buddha baby in my belly, and so his energy and spirit is very different than the other two, and so that is just the truth of the way it is, and I'm conscious and aware of that. And there might still be like a slight bit of guilt, but it's also you cannot go back and rewrite the past. You can only, you know, give them the wisdom that I have now and to help them to navigate their lives in the best way.

Regina Sayer 53:26

But I'm curious, what is like this? You say it's a different energy. How does it actually manifest in how they are, like in it on a daily basis?

Ashley Holmes 53:36

I think it's just an attunement as well that I have with each of them is one thing. Because I was so conscious and aware the last time around, it's almost like a lot of things are not even need to be said or need to be spoken. I just inherently know. Um I think with the first two, and perhaps it's a twin thing as well, there is just a lot of competition and comparison and just a different dynamic and a different energy that has been there right from the get-go and probably always will be. And in another way, my son is like a spitting image of his father, uh, my oldest, and my daughter is a spitting image of me, and then the youngest is like a spitting image of my husband as well, but also like with the wisdom and inner knowledge of an old soul.

Regina Sayer 54:30

Okay. And how do they view this whole journey that you've been on as well? Do they understand what mom is doing when she goes off to India?

Ashley Holmes 54:39

Yes, they understand. You know, I talk to them every day, everything fell in line at the last moment, and I did not think that it was going to be possible for me to go, even though I wanted to. But, you know, the space just opened up. I completely surrendered, and then all of a sudden I was like, look, this can happen. The this is actually a possibility. Let me see if I can go. And I literally had like one of the last spots in the hotel room, and I was like, okay, I have a room. If I can find a flight, then this can happen. And I did it all in 24 hours. It was just follow that nudge, and the desire to be there was really evident and to just follow that. Very happy that I did, and they understand and they know. You know, for the longest time I thought that I always had to be there, and I always was, you know, trying to give, give, give, give. And yet you also have to have that time to fill yourself up and fuel your soul so that you can be the mother that you desire to be. And so I think it's important to not lose yourself completely in your children and to have and continue to have, you know, what makes you you on a day in and day out basis, because one day they are gonna leave the nest, and you want them to be able to do so and have that inborn, you know, safety and security that they can and that they're going to thrive.

Regina Sayer 56:04

And does your father understand this yogic journey that you've been on?

Ashley Holmes 56:08

Somewhat. I wouldn't say that my family necessarily understands me or gets me, and I'm okay with that. They don't need to. You know, I was given something from 20 years ago that was actually an astrology reading, and it is so bang on. There were words like fertility goddess in there, and there was how much spirituality is meant to be a part of my life and a part of my journey and who I am and what I'm here on this earth at this point in time to embody. So there's no denying that. So really it's honoring my own path and realizing that everybody is on their own path and having respect for where everybody is at.

Regina Sayer 57:03

Let's

Ashley’s holistic fertility coaching work

Regina Sayer 57:04

see. So you turned what your whole experiences and your whole understanding of what happened to you, as well as combining it with your practices and your spiritual understandings, and you have created now a business doing exactly what it is a holistic fertility coaching practice that serves women one-on-one, that meets them where they're at for what they have been through on their journey.

Ashley Holmes 57:32

And sometimes they have come to me after failed IBF. They may have only, you know, so many eggs left, and they want to actually take the time to do this work before they proceed any further. Also, there are people who are just starting down this path and perhaps want to intervene before IBF, if that is even needed. But a lot of people come to me because what I say resonates with them, that they feel that there is more beneath the surface than what the doctors are offering, because maybe there is no explanation medically or scientifically. And so they're willing to to dive deeper and to explore further. What else may need to be healed on this path, on this process for this to happen for them?

Regina Sayer 58:21

Okay. So the types of modalities that you're working with, do you're working with the different yoga styles, meditation, Ayurveda, and what else?

Ashley Holmes 58:32

I offer Reiki. I'm also a trauma-informed coach. So there have been instances where, you know, there has been healing needed of things that have happened in the past that have shown up that need addressing, you know, it's shown up for a reason. And so there can be sometimes sexual trauma or other things that come up. And so it's important to heal mind, body, and spirit and to not bypass it. You can medicate and do all of the things, but it is not going to guarantee a positive result. Everything I offer is natural, is healing, is holistic. There are no negative side effects for anything I offer. There are only positive benefits. So there truly is no negative aspect of it, but it is just having the drive to want to do this for yourself because it is a deep desire from within because it isn't for everybody and it's not meant for everybody.

Regina Sayer 59:40

And so you're working with women who are not necessarily wanting to get pregnant right away, but know that they want to at some time in the future, so they're sort of exploring and building up themselves to prepare for that, as well as people who are actively going through.

Ashley Holmes 59:58

Usually people are actively in the process of trying, but also some people, when they're so invested, you know, they they want to and are willing to cross all the T's and dot all the I's because they don't want to leave anything untouched in case that is, you know, what they have actually been seeking.

Regina Sayer 1:00:21

And do you work with women after delivery as well?

Ashley Holmes 1:00:25

Yes. I mean, a lot of what I offer can be used postpartum as well. And they can always, you know, once people work with me, I'm I'm always in their corner, I'm always still in touch, I always still want to know how their child is doing, how they are doing, because we do work closely and intimately together, and we do have a strong connection and bond. And I do this with a lot of love and care and compassion, and because that is who I am, and I want to, you know, always have that relationship and because these are consciously created human beings, and so you know, it not only changes the mother, but it changes, you know, the life that that child will have as well.

Regina Sayer 1:01:11

Yeah. I'm thinking about, well, where are the partners? The partners they definitely need some help with this as well. Do they ever join in? Because they're also stress. I mean, I guess you can imagine when you think about your husband, your husband must have been also experiencing stress. And on the man's side, that's not exactly good either. So are you also working with the partners as well?

Ashley Holmes 1:01:32

Often what ends up happening, and it's not that I directly hop on and talk to them away as well, but they may be in the background when they're having a meeting with me. You know, they may be getting what I'm saying and hearing it sort of sitting on the couch. And also they often share things that they believe will be helpful for their partner. Whatever that aspect is, whether it's a technique of some sort to help alleviate stress or whether it's a meditation that they can both do together, I leave that completely up to them, and they are absolutely welcome to use anything that that I offer, but I don't often, you know, have a meeting of three.

Regina Sayer 1:02:16

Okay. I just want to hop back on a point that you said earlier. So that you also did Reiki and you're a trauma-informed coach. So when did you start doing Reiki and when did you decide and why did you decide to be a trauma-informed coach?

Ashley Holmes 1:02:30

I started doing Reiki not too long after I had my youngest because I had met someone I'd never received Reiki before, and I had it done for like 20 minutes, and what she had said to me was so so on the spot, and I was very intrigued. And I also, with all the work that I have done and learned, understand how important energy is, and how it is just another way to help people in a different way and form. And you know, all of the reiki I typically offer is by distance because I'm not meeting people one-on-one where I live. So it's often done by distance, but it's just as effective in person and hands-on as it is in distance, and realizing that it's just another modality that can help people to heal and to clear and to really come back to that optimal state of being that they desire.

Regina Sayer 1:03:35

And the trauma-informed coaching, when did you decide to do that and why?

Ashley Holmes 1:03:39

I decided to do that because I really wanted to understand and work with the nervous system more and to understand how trauma lives in our nervous system, and to be able to help people and have just that background understanding of knowledge for so many traumatic things that happen on this fertility journey, because whether it's big T or little T, and whether it is present or past, there's something typically that is affecting them. And to be able to hold space for that and to allow them to bring healing to that is really powerful. And I think that that is something that the medical world is definitely missing.

Regina Sayer 1:04:26

And what is the Ayurvedic part of it? How does that play into everything? Because can you explain, first of all, what Ayurveda is? Because not everybody listening will actually know what that is.

Ashley Holmes 1:04:35

It's the science and nature of the healing in the mind and body together. And so it is a science of living with rhythms and natures of life, seasons of and understanding that we all have an inborn constitution. So we we all have three doshas within us vata, pita, and kafa. And when you understand what your inborn constitution is, you can do yoga practices that serve you better, and breath work practices that serve you best, and eat in alignment with what serves your body best. This it's not a diet, a fad, or a trend. Like there is so much marketing out there for all of these things. This serves you for your whole entire lifespan. And so really important knowledge to have and to be able to embody to understand yourself on that level. And I break it down really simply for my clients and just give them what is going to serve them and work with them the best, and things that they can try and things that they can incorporate and switches that they can make, but nothing is overnight. You know, sometimes it's more important to perhaps deal with trauma that they are working through in the moment that has surfaced than it is to worry about the nutrition. Because if you are not digesting live mentally, emotionally, physically, then it doesn't matter what you're eating. Your tissues aren't going to get it is what you desire to conceive anyway.

Regina Sayer 1:06:11

You work with an Ayurvedic doctor, I believe, in the UK, because you sometimes prescribe herbal remedies.

Ashley Holmes 1:06:19

Yes. So if they are seeking more than what I can personally offer, then I refer them to her so that she can really get them in the best place possible, especially if they're going for IVF. Because if you are you really do want to take time and intentionality to prepare your body the best that you possibly can before you go for transfer.

Regina Sayer 1:06:44

And is Ayurveda, I don't know if you know this, but is Ayurveda similar to traditional Chinese medicine, TCM?

Ashley Holmes 1:06:52

Yeah. It's the Indian version, whereas traditional Chinese medicine is obviously Chinese. There are a lot of similarities, I would say, between the two of them, but they are different and unique in their own ways.

Regina Sayer 1:07:06

Okay. So you have co-authored books about your pregnancy journey and spiritual awakening. What what was that about?

Ashley Holmes 1:07:15

I wrote a chapter in a book called Nourished, and that was really what I've spoken to today about my fertility journey and how this ancient healing and wisdom really helped me to be able to conceive naturally and quickly and easily. So there is that chapter. And then I also wrote a chapter about my spiritual awakening in a book called Sacred Surrender, and dived into a lot of the things I spoke about today as well. How I didn't grow up as a religious child who attended church and therefore kind of felt shunned and like my brother hadn't gone to the right place when I was growing up, and how that kind of affected me, and how I began to sort of to shift these beliefs, right? Because they were my beliefs. And so it's also that learning that we don't have to stay stuck in the belief systems that we have, and we don't have to, you know, stay there and keep living those things that our belief systems can not always be serving us, or maybe they serve us for a point in time, but maybe they don't serve us for our whole entire life.

Regina Sayer 1:08:27

You were telling me earlier you have something to read. That you were called to read something. What is that? Is that from one of the books?

Ashley Holmes 1:08:33

It is. It is from one of the books. So here it is.

Regina Sayer 1:08:37

Okay. Sacred surrender.

Ashley Holmes 1:08:39

Yes. Courageous visionaries embracing and leading in their divinity. So I will just read you this small little excerpt that I felt called to share today. The exact same letters that spell sacred, when you rearrange them, also spell scared. Surrendering to your sacred self means facing your fears instead of letting them limit and control you. Breaking through your limiting beliefs to go beyond your wildest dreams to live your life on purpose. Trust that you are safe and being divinely guided on your path and listen to your soul's whispers. Follow your heart even if it is the scariest thing you have ever done before. You don't know need to know where it is all going, what it is all going to look like before taking that leap of faith. If you can trust, your instinctive voice will lead to the most magical and fulfilling destinations. Simply be open, turn inward, and realize all the answers you are searching for exist inside of you. Embrace your shadows, allowing more love and light into your life instead of never venturing there out of fear of what lurks beneath the surface. No decision based in fear is in your best interest ever, and it is a lesson I wish I had received earlier in life. I spent so many years surviving when I could have been thriving. At times I was paralyzed with fear, allowing life to choose me instead of me choosing life. There is a monumental difference. It is possible for you to have everything that you've ever dreamed of and desired. Be willing to embrace everything that led you to this point. It requires you to be courageous on your lessons and utterly surrender to everything within you that is stopping you from achieving your heart's calling. Realizing that surrender is the path is actually more stoic than coming in with the Calvary, loving and accepting all parts of you, and seeing that all of you makes you the sacred being that you are, not just a piece of you.

Regina Sayer 1:10:41

Do you know why you were called to read that?

Ashley Holmes 1:10:43

It was actually just like a beautiful reminder this morning. I was like, oh, I needed to read my own words this morning.

Regina Sayer 1:10:50

Just like I needed to pull a this card from this oracle deck for this episode, which I never do. Strange, huh? Okay, so that that gives an idea of the type of writing that you're doing for this book and for the other book as well. Okay, thank you for sharing that. I do want to ask your advice to give to listeners. Obviously, you are accessible through the internet, but maybe not everybody is inclined to do that. So for anybody who is facing this dilemma of being told that they're unable to have children and yet they're still continuing to try, is there any advice that you can give them, you know, aside of whether they decide to come to you or not? Any advice that you can give them that can help them while they are in this moment?

Support, listening, and advice for those trying to conceive

Ashley Holmes 1:11:40

I think that it is so necessary to find support for either yourself or you as a couple, because the number one thing that you hear out there is how lonely and how isolating this experience is, because often the people in your circle are not going through it, and therefore maybe leaving work early and sneaking out to appointments and things like that, and there doesn't seem to be, you know, a safe place for you to actually express everything that you're going through. And so I think often we view support as a weakness, but it can actually be the biggest strength that we can possibly have and can really propel and change the trajectory of where we're at. One of the things that has been instilled in me is that, you know, suffering is optional. So, you know, we can always make a conscious choice of how we want to move forward in each and every moment.

Regina Sayer 1:12:43

Yeah, that's quite interesting what you just said about people who are in that situation feeling alone and isolated. Frankly, that never crossed my mind that somebody in that situation would feel that way. For me, when I think about somebody who's in that situation, they have support because they're going to doctors and, you know, and their families around them. But this is not the type of support that you're talking about.

Ashley Holmes 1:13:07

No, because often that support is minimal. And often the support that I hear so many times is, you know, when they speak to family members or when they speak to those that they're in their corner and they mean well, but they're not actually listening to them and they're not actually supporting them because they're telling them what they should do and they're saying, Why don't you do this and this and this? And that is not actually honoring the person at all. And it's in fact very disrespectful. And I was talking to a client recently about it, you know, about having that support, because sometimes the people that we go to are not able to be that for us as much as we desire them to be, and as much as we think that they should be, they do not have that capacity. So to find people that do have that capacity.

Regina Sayer 1:14:03

Okay. So coming at it actually from the other side of the coin, if you are a friend or a family member or whoever you're in that circle of person, what is a good way that you can try to support somebody going through that? Because I hear you saying what people don't and can't do, but what can we do? What is it possible to do if we're mindful about it?

Ashley Holmes 1:14:25

I think the most mindful thing that you can do is to be there and to listen in whatever way, shape, or form that is, but it is not inherent in us to listen to people actually, and to give them space and to voice what they are going through. And it is so important because oftentimes what people are really seeking is to be seen and heard, and they're not feeling that they are in this process. Oftentimes they're going to the doctors and they're wanting answers and they're not getting what they desire there, and they're going to family and no one is listening, and perhaps they're venting to friends and their friend already has a child and no one is really able to actually meet them where they're at.

Regina Sayer 1:15:12

So you're saying if you want to support somebody in that situation, just sit and listen.

Ashley Holmes 1:15:18

Yes. It is so simple and it is so basic, and yet something that we really, rarely do to even those that are closest to us.

Regina Sayer 1:15:27

Yeah. I think one of the things that we have, the problem we have with listening, is that as we listen, we're already already formulating the next question or the next sentence to say, and we're not actually hearing fully, and I don't mean just hearing the words, but seeing what's taking place in the person's body and you know, the hand movements, or even how they're moving their eyes, or the way their voice sounds, or all these different aspects of how they're portraying whatever it is that they're wanting to express.

Ashley Holmes 1:15:59

Yes. I think it's so important to just take that pause. We don't have to respond right away, even to text messages and things like that. We're just this instant gratification, and our tendency is to want to help people and to fix things. And yet the person that kinda is coming to you isn't wanting you to fix this for them. You know, that probably isn't in your repertoire. They're just wanting you to listen.

Regina Sayer 1:16:25

That's good advice. It's good advice, and it's not just for somebody who's got trying to get pregnant. It's for all sorts of things for people who are going through grief of any kind. Loss of a person, loss of a job, loss of a pet, anything. People who are just depressed, sometimes they just want somebody just to listen. So it's great advice all around, I think. Okay, so is there any kind of tool that you use that if you think that anybody out there is listening that just in general can help somebody? Like just a simple tool that maybe you practice quite often that you think would be beneficial for listeners?

Ashley Holmes 1:17:05

I think

Yoga Nidra and simple nervous system support

Ashley Holmes 1:17:06

if you have tried meditation or that you think that you can meditate, what I would love to offer you, because this is often something that people bump up against and then they give up or they think that they can't, is to do a yoga nidra meditation because you cannot do it wrong, and your subconscious is going to take from it exactly what you need and apply it to your mind, body, and spirit. And so it is very powerful. It is amazing for your nervous system. It is the perfect reset as a new mom or as someone who may work shift work, or if you are tired, then 20 minutes of Yoga Nidra is equivalent to four hours of sleep. So it is just the greatest meditation, I believe, especially if you're trying to conceive and you're stressed out. This was one of my clients like was like, that is just, you know, brings me to such a state of calm and peace. And how many times she listened to one of the meditations that I gave her, and I'm swear she probably still listens to it because it just is the perfect reset.

Regina Sayer 1:18:11

And you have this meditation on your website?

Ashley Holmes 1:18:14

I do this meditation every week on Sundays, offer it on a health and wellness platform called Vibly. You can try it for free. You can try a class, you can find them anywhere, I'm sure on any sorts of apps or YouTube or all over the place, right? But it is a very, very powerful meditation that absolutely actually doesn't require you to do anything other than to just be and receive. And if that's all that you have the capacity for, then that is the perfect place to start.

Regina Sayer 1:18:45

Yeah, I actually did that years and years ago when I first got married because my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer not too long after we got married, and I was just a basket case. I started going into a lot of these things like body brushing and getting up early in the morning and using certain oils as well on the body. And so some of it were Ayurvedic practices as well. But I started listening to a Yoga Nidra meditation that was about 25, 30 minutes long every single morning. I noticed after about two or three weeks how much calmer I was. It was amazing. And I started again recently, I started doing it because I can feel sometimes with the podcasting, and because I have a part-time job, it's like so much doingness, you know. And I felt like, oh my gosh, you know, that's just I'm being overwhelmed by this doingness. I have to, I should, I need to, you know. That drives me crazy when I find myself thinking like that. And so I started listening to a Yoga Nidra meditation before I went to sleep at night, and I was finding I was sleeping much better, waking up, not so tired. I agree, uh, it's an easy meditation to do. You just need to find somebody's voice that you like. That's the only thing I would say. Listen to a couple, and yeah.

Ashley Holmes 1:20:06

I have listened to some too that like do it in the jungle, and it's like, wait a minute, like what bird? Like, it's it's startling, right? It's like, no, no, that to me that's not I don't live in the jungle and kids, those things, whatever's making that noise. It's startling to me. And I'm like, okay, that is that one is not for me. It's also something like I can't guide myself through it. It's something that you do need to be guided through, right? Like, I guess I could listen to my own, like I just read my own book, but I often typically don't. So it's much nicer to listen to somebody else sometimes for something like that.

Regina Sayer 1:20:40

Okay. So is there anything else that you would like to add to what we've talked about today that you think is important that we may not have touched on?

Ashley Holmes 1:20:49

I think my final words of wisdom would have to be to come back to trusting your own body, your own intuition, your own path, and to let go and surrender to all the noise and the distractions and come back into that trust of you are divinely and exactly where you're meant to be at this moment. Otherwise you wouldn't be there. So how could it be any other way?

Regina Sayer 1:21:17

And if anybody wants to connect with you, how can they do that? You're on Instagram, I think. I know you're on Facebook.

Ashley Holmes 1:21:23

I'm on Instagram, I'm on Facebook, and you're welcome to join my Holistic Fertility Coach Facebook group if you feel cold and are currently trying to conceive or wish to adapt, you know, more meditations or Arabic wisdom and things like that, because that's what I dive into within my community, and I also speak about grief and a whole bunch of other things that, you know, not only affect us on our fertility journey, but our life journey and to bring some ease and grace to all of it and some light on it because I often also just bring to light those things that are taboo and that aren't talked about because they need to be talked about.

Regina Sayer 1:22:05

The URL of your website is what again?

Ashley Holmes 1:22:09

You can find it under Holistic Fertility Coach Incorporated. Yeah.

Regina Sayer 1:22:13

Alright. So with that, I think that we will come to a close. And I really appreciate your time, Ashley. And I know we had a little bit of a little bit of a hiccup with the recording, but hopefully it's recorded okay.

Ashley Holmes 1:22:25

Thank you so much.

Regina Sayer 1:22:27

Everybody, thank you so much for listening. I hope that you can reach out to Ashley if you have any questions or if you just want to connect and see what she's all about, and check out her website and her Facebook page and join the Yoga Nidra meditation. She said you can do it for one time for free. I think it's worth doing. And also check out her books as well. Thank you so much again, Ashley. And thank you, listeners. And until the next time, I hope you have a beautiful and wonderful day wherever you are in this huge, vast world where we all live.